Total pages in book: 185
Estimated words: 180510 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 903(@200wpm)___ 722(@250wpm)___ 602(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 180510 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 903(@200wpm)___ 722(@250wpm)___ 602(@300wpm)
He won. And I lost.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
“Are you afraid of dying?” Josie asked while we sat in the grass fishing in the pond by the playing fields.
We were thirteen. I didn’t think about my mortality as often as Josie did.
“I mean … I don’t want to die.”
“Duh. But are you afraid of it? Like a car accident or a tornado? Cancer? Kids get cancer too. Murder … oh murder would be the worst, especially if it were slow. Like someone tortured you.”
“If you’re asking if I’m afraid of being tortured, then the answer is yes.”
We sat in silence for a few minutes, neither one of us getting a single bite.
“Can you imagine wanting to die? Remember last year when they found that kid hanging from the swing set at North Elementary? The janitor found him in the morning?”
I nodded.
“He wanted to die. That’s why he hung himself. A fifteen-year-old who wanted to die. My dad said it’s a tragedy, but lots of kids commit suicide.”
Another nod.
Just another day in the life of being Josephine Watts’ best friend. Death. Death. And more death. Maybe I would have been more scared of it had we not talked about it so much.
“I can’t imagine wanting to die.” She blows out a long breath. “I suppose that’s good, right?”
“Sure.”
“But what if you lost everything. Like what if a tornado hit our neighborhood and my parents and Benji died. And you and your family died. And I lived. Maybe I would want to hang myself from the swing set too.”
I finished reeling in my line and cast it again.
“Or what if you had cancer and you felt bad all the time. And you knew you were going to die eventually. Would you just get it over with? It might save family a lot of sadness. They wouldn’t have to watch you slowly die.”
I shrugged. “I don’t know.”
“You never think about that? You’ve never thought about how you would kill yourself if you needed to do it?”
“Nope.” I had no idea that my dad would one day drive my mind there. He would anger me and embarrass me to the point of thinking about how I would kill myself.
“At first, I thought I would use a gun because it would be quick. Then I thought about it a little more and realized someone would find me and have to clean up the mess. Now, I’d probably do it in a way that nobody ever found me. They’d never have to see me dead. And they could remember me when I was happy and wanted to live. Doesn’t that sound like the best way to go?”
“Or …” I chuckled. “You could not kill yourself. I like that idea best. Don’t kill yourself.”
“Because you would miss me?” She nudged my arm.
I grinned. “Maybe.”
Undoubtedly.
My young brain had quite the imagination, but it couldn’t imagine a world without Josephine Watts, my best friend.
“I’d tie bricks around my feet and jump off a bridge into the river. I wouldn't leave a note. Maybe my family would wonder if somewhere I was still alive. They’d have hope. Hope is good. It’s better than knowing for sure that you will never see someone again.”
I didn’t know. Josie’s mind worked different than mine and everyone else I knew. Not different bad, just … different.
“Would you cry if I died?”
I lifted a shoulder. “I don’t know. I don’t like to cry. Would you want me to cry?”
“Nah. Just sit in my tree and eat a whole candy bar by yourself. Maybe talk to me. I think it’s cool when people talk to the dead like they can hear them. Do you believe in ghosts?”
And just like that … we jumped to another interesting conversation.
“Oh my gosh!” She shot up as I tugged on my fishing pole. “You caught one, Colten! You did it! Don’t let it go! It’s a big one.” She helped me hold my fishing pole as I reeled it in. “If you lose it, you’ll never catch one like it again.”
I kinda thought the same thing about Josephine Watts.
CHAPTER THIRTY
“Once the snowstorm lets up, we’ll go out again,” Isaac says a week later.
A week after our wedding day.
A week after Josie lost her battle.
A week after I knew she was gone forever.
“You won’t find her.” I stare at my untouched plate of food.
Savannah and Mom think I need my strength. I lost it a week ago. I’m the only one facing reality.
The Chicago PD are still looking. Signs have been posted. Her picture’s been all over the news and internet.
“Son, we’ll find her,” Isaac says.
Her body. He means they’ll find her body. I think he knows she’s gone. They need a body for closure. Should I tell him and Savannah that they won’t find her body, which means they can carry this “hope” with them forever? Should I tell them that Josie has been planning her death (even if unknowingly) for decades?