Total pages in book: 185
Estimated words: 180510 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 903(@200wpm)___ 722(@250wpm)___ 602(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 180510 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 903(@200wpm)___ 722(@250wpm)___ 602(@300wpm)
“I disagree. If it’s about you, it’s about me.”
“I’m not marrying you.”
There’s a pause on the line. I grab a towel and check the water temperature. Have I upset him? Hurt him? It’s not a lie. This isn’t about him.
“I’ll take you however I can have you.”
I put him on speaker and set it on the counter while I undress. “Maybe you can have me in another life. But not this one.”
“What if I’m not asking?”
“Then you don’t know me at all.” I move the phone to the ledge of the tub and step into the water.
“What’s that sound?”
“The bathtub. I’m five seconds from ending this call. I’d appreciate it if you’d leave my house.”
“Josephine …” He sighs as I slide into the water and close my eyes. “Do you have any idea how many times you kept me from drowning? How many times your hand reached for mine like a goddamn lifeline? When everything around me felt so heavy and impossibly ugly, there you were. When I pushed you away, you kept running back to me over and over again. Even when you knew you couldn’t solve my problems … You. Held. My. Hand. Something so simple as the delicate hand of a friend is what carried me through some really tough times. Did you know that? Did you know that you carried me with one fucking hand?”
I blink, letting my tears disappear into the water. I hug my fisted hands to my heart while my body shakes with silent sobs. This is different. He had a terrible father. I was a killer. I killed little girls.
“So that’s one … one life saved by Josephine Watts. I know you’re counting. You’re thinking about the lives taken by him. Don’t let him win. He’s not here, but you are. Make it right. Do good. Be kind. Love unconditionally. If this is true, if we get more than one life, then this is your chance to be everything he wasn’t.”
My eyes continue to burn with endless tears. Not a single word can squeak past the emotion in my throat. It’s not that Colten says the right thing at the right time. It’s that he believes me, or at least, he believes in me. My ride-or-die. It’s gut-wrenching to be loved like this and not feel worthy.
It would be so easy to take his proffered hand and pull him under with me, but it’s not just him. He has Reagan. And for her, I press End.
CHAPTER EIGHT
“Daddy!” Reagan runs into my arms as Katy follows her up my driveway, carrying her bag.
“What’s your magic potion?” Katy asks, giving me a half grin. “She’s never this excited to see me after spending time with you.”
I kiss Reagan’s cheek and set her down. She runs into the house. “I need a snack,” she says.
“I have good snacks. That’s my secret.”
“Junk food.” Katy rolls her eyes and hands me Reagan’s bag.
“Raisins.”
“Covered in chocolate?”
“Is there any other way?” I smirk.
“Colten …” Katy shakes her head and turns, taking a few steps.
“Have fun.”
She laughs. “It’s a conference. I’m certain that’s the definition of anti-fun. Oh …” Turning back toward me, she twists her lips for a second. “Is it safe for me to ask about Josie?”
“Safe?”
“Reagan’s mentioned her name several times. She said Josie got hurt, but she’s doing better. She said Josie read her a bedtime story, and she’s your friend from a long time ago. Am I being too nosey asking about her?”
“I’ve known Josie since the fourth grade. We were neighbors. She’s an assistant medical examiner, so our professions cross occasionally. Before I moved here, it had been seventeen years since I’d seen her. There. Now you know about Josie.”
“So … she read our daughter a bedtime story. Is she more than an old friend?”
I press my lips together, contemplating my answer. “Since you’re a happily married newlywed, can I be honest with you?”
“Yeah …” she says slowly.
“Josie is the reason we never got married.”
Katy grunts a laugh. “And here I thought me saying no was the reason we never got married.”
I slide my hands into my front pockets. “You said no because I hesitated when you asked if I loved you. I hesitated because you weren’t …” I take a deep breath. It hurts to talk about her when I feel like I’m losing her.
“I wasn’t Josie,” she murmurs.
I nod.
Katy stares out at the street. “Well, I certainly hope you don’t let her get away this time if she’s the only woman you’re capable of loving.” She continues toward her car.
“Did you really love me?”
Katy rests her chin on her shoulder, her gaze not quite finding me. “Yeah. I loved you. And I love Sean. I guess my heart’s bigger than yours.” She gets into her car and pulls out of my driveway.
I turn, slowly shaking my head. Maybe she does have a bigger heart or maybe Josephine Watts is larger than life.