Total pages in book: 40
Estimated words: 37344 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 187(@200wpm)___ 149(@250wpm)___ 124(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 37344 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 187(@200wpm)___ 149(@250wpm)___ 124(@300wpm)
He and I have spoken a few times since the trade. He was hurt that I stabbed him in the back the way I did and felt betrayed. I can’t blame him for feeling that way, but I’m not going to feel guilty for doing what I did. I know he wants me to.
Eric wants me to walk around feeling like the world’s biggest jerk for betraying him. But I won’t. He was out of control and needed to be put in check. He needed to be taken down a few pegs.
So, I did what I had to do to make sure that happened and that he was humbled. And to protect Ben, of course. The thought of having to go on with him across the country was unbearable. The odds of our relationship surviving cross-country weren’t very good no matter how badly we both wanted to make it work. But with him staying in town, our relationship flourished.
Things with Ben are better than I ever thought they could be. We’re growing together—and individually—in ways that have been a surprise, even to me. Ways I never considered possible before. And every day seems to be better than the last.
Ben is an amazing man. He's kind. Caring. Considerate. He's got an offbeat sense of dark humor that clicks with mine. He's opened up to me in ways I didn't expect and, in turn, has gotten me to open up to him in ways I actively resisted for so long. He pushes my boundaries, not just sexually, but personally and professionally, and has gotten me to walk through doors inside myself I never knew existed.
It’s opened up a whole new world to me. A world I may never have been able to access without his gentle pushing.
He tells me I’ve done the same for him. Individually, we’ve spent our lives so focused on our goals and our ambitions that we’ve been blind to the world around us. Our single-minded determination and drive prevented us from seeing how much better things could be if we’d only let somebody in. We achieved a lot individually. But together, we’ve achieved even more. By pushing and challenging each other, we’ve reached heights we never thought we could before.
Six months ago, I was promoted from beat writer to featured columnist. I know there was a lot of behind-the-scenes maneuvering and that Ian had a lot to do with it, but without Ben pushing and challenging me every step of the way, I may not have had the courage to even throw my hat in the ring in the first place. With him at my side, the sky's the limit.
I don’t know if I’m going to have any kind of relationship with my brother. I know that I would like to. If I’m being honest, there are days when I miss having him around. As irritating and maddening as Eric can usually be, he is the only blood family I have left. But that’s up to him. If he ever wants to have a relationship with me, he knows what I expect and where to find me. And yeah, I do hope that he figures himself out and becomes the decent person I believe he can be. I believe he can be better. The only question is whether he wants to be or not.
Unless and until that happens though, one thing I’ve learned is that not all family is blood. There is the family you build. And between Ben, Ian, Gabe, Tania, and everybody else that’s come into my life over the last couple of years, I’d say I have a pretty good family. They all love me, and I love them. They’ve all helped fill those empty spots in my heart, and I couldn’t be more grateful for having such amazing people around me.
“You okay?” Ben asks and slips his arm around my waist.
I nod. “I’m good. Better than good.”
The music gets louder, and we dance along to the beat on the bus deck, waving to the crowd, which is going wild. Somebody near the rope line throws a can of beer to Gabe who smoothly catches and opens it in one slick, fluid movement. He drinks it all down in one go, which touches off another wild celebration among the fans. He crushes the empty can and lets out a mighty roar before throwing it high into the air. The fans love it.
Ben is smiling wide and having a great time. He’s loose and is letting himself enjoy the fruits of his labors. Finally. Even now, I can see that familiar gleam in his eye. It may be the offseason and he’s celebrating a hard-fought title with his team, but he’s already thinking about next season and what he can do better, about how he can will this team to another ring. His arm is still around my waist, holding me tight, so I gently elbow him in the side.