Total pages in book: 77
Estimated words: 71082 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 355(@200wpm)___ 284(@250wpm)___ 237(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 71082 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 355(@200wpm)___ 284(@250wpm)___ 237(@300wpm)
I thought we were making progress. I thought she felt safe and secure with her coin in hand. I know she said this is something she has to do, but I can't shake the feeling that I've somehow keffed things up. That I haven't been enough for her.
It's eating me alive.
It's been all of six hours since she left. I'm never going to make it through the week.
Alcohol, I decide. That's what I need.
I dress and head for the mess hall. It's not empty—Dopekh is there with Erzah and Ruth-Ann and a mess of bottles in front of them.
"Oh, look at the time," Ruth-Ann says as I enter the room. "I need to go shave my legs or something." She hurries out.
Erzah frowns after her. "But we are still tasting drinks!"
"I'll help you taste," I say, thumping down into a seat beside them. I grab the bottle closest to me and tip it back. Spicy, acrid ale from an exclusive planet hits the back of my throat and I cough. "This one's brutal."
I still take another swig, though.
Dopekh eyes me sympathetically. He has a bottle in front of him, but he's not drinking much. "Bad day?"
"The worst," I agree, wiping my mouth and setting the bottle aside. "This one is terrible."
"It's popular on Haal Ui," Erzah says glumly. "You don't think humans will like it?"
I give him a bitter smile. "I don't know what humans are thinking. Ever." I grab another bottle, pop the top off, and take another big swig. This one is an ooli brew, and far more to my liking. "Better."
"We can't keep tasting for our human clients if our human taster just left," Erzah says miserably. "How will we know what they want?"
"Cheer up," Dopekh tells him. "We can narrow it down to a selection of what we think humans will like and approach Ruth-Ann in the morning. For tonight, we can help Kazex get drunk. He looks like he needs it."
I lift the bottle of ooli brew and then chug it until my face grows numb. Getting better.
Erzah eyes me, a baffled expression on his face. He studies the logo on another bottle before setting it aside and pulling a different one toward him. "This isn't like you, Kaz. Is something wrong, brother?"
Everything is wrong. Everything is awful. Everything is terrible and my face is numb but my mind isn't. Not yet. "Ruthie is staying in town," I tell them, my words morose and full of the betrayal I feel. "And she won't let me join her."
"What happened?" Dopekh asks. "She's seemed happy lately. Is she joining the human colony here?"
Despair threatens to overwhelm me and I set my drink on the table. "Kef, I hope not. She says she's going to live on her own for a week, just to prove that she can. She says it's not me. That I'm not a problem...but I cannot help but feel as if I have done something wrong. Perhaps I'm not a good kisser." The thought is devastating. I replay our last few kisses in my mind. Surely...surely they were as good for her as they were for me?
"I don't think it's you," Dopekh says carefully. He picks up his bottle and turns it in his hands, back and forth, not drinking. "Maybe she wants to get out and see what Port has to offer. Maybe she wants to live as a human for a little while. Perhaps she feels like being here on the ship with us is holding her back."
I let out a groan of anguish and bury my face in my hands. "That is exactly what I am afraid of."
"You're not making him feel better, Dopekh!" Erzah shoots him an appalled stare. "He is here so we can cheer him up, not make things worse."
"I know," Dopekh says miserably. "Trust me when I say I know what it is like to have to let the one you love be free. Even if it means they cannot be at your side."
I lift my head, eyeing Dopekh. He's seemed rather unhappy lately. I've been so wrapped up in my own emotional whirlwind with Ruthie that I haven't stopped to ask if he's all right. I thought he and Salvotor were a thing, but now that I'm looking back, they've been on opposite sides of the ship more often than not. "Is that what's happened with you and Salvotor?"
Dopekh takes a careful sip of his drink, then goes back to morosely staring into it. "Salvotor led a very sheltered existence prior to joining us on the ship. He needs to experience what the universe has to offer. I can't hold him back."
Holding. The thought makes me sad. "I thought Ruthie wanted to be held."
"You're sulking," Erzah tells us. "Both of you."
"Of course we are." I pull another bottle of alcohol toward me. "It's keffing miserable to realize that the one you love doesn't want you around."