Total pages in book: 86
Estimated words: 81009 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 405(@200wpm)___ 324(@250wpm)___ 270(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 81009 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 405(@200wpm)___ 324(@250wpm)___ 270(@300wpm)
A hot tear broke free and began to roll down my face. When I blinked, another fell, and a sob came from deep inside my chest.
Agreeing with this, accepting it, would only prove that I deserved the guilt that weighed on me.
Rome moved a hand from my hair to brush the tears from my cheeks with the back of his finger. “I told you, every woman I fucked since you, I never looked them in the eyes, never wanted to see their face. It was always just you.”
I shook my head and let out a loud sob as I shoved at his chest again. “Stop! Don’t say that!” The emotion felt like a volcano that was just on the brink of finally erupting.
Rome grabbed my face with both his hands. His pale green eyes were a sea of pain, hope, loss, and love. Seeing it only made me cry harder. Because more than anything, I wanted his love. Something I no longer deserved.
“Why? It’s the truth. You need to hear it. Believe it. Realize it was always you, Salem. No one else ever came close to taking your place.”
“Please,” I begged. “Stop.”
“Why?” he asked, lowering his head and brushing a kiss against the corner of my mouth.
“Because…” The word came out in a choked whisper.
He began to catch my tears with his finger, then placed a kiss where they had been. The gentleness of it was breaking me as much as it was putting me back together.
I’m sorry.
For doing what I told you to do?
Yes. No. Because…because…
Because you loved him.
“Is it because you can’t forgive me?” Rome asked in a voice so thick with pain that my chest only ached more.
I shook my head. I’d forgiven him. He’d lost his mother. We’d been young. He’d been searching for somewhere to get relief, escape. I was a reminder of her. These were all things I had told myself over the years. I was sure they’d all played a role in what he did. How he had betrayed me, then let me go.
“I forgave you,” I said in a hoarse voice.
“Then why are you breaking my heart with your tears?”
I took in a deep breath, then let it out and stared at his neck, unable to meet his gaze. Not sure if I was going to say this. I’d not repeated this to a single soul. It had been my shame to carry. The one I deserved.
That’s not why I said it. Eamon’s voice was so clear in my head.
Does that matter?
You’re so stubborn.
“Eamon’s last words…” I paused and steadied myself. Grief rushing over me as I remembered that day. His last breaths. “He said…‘Go find him.’ I asked him, ‘Who?” And he said—he—” I sucked in a breath as my eyes stung. “He said, ‘The one you see when you close your eyes.’ ”
Rome was so still. My shoulders shook as I hung my head and cried harder. Strong arms wrapped around me and pulled me against him. I buried my face in his chest and let it all go. Rome ran a hand over the back of my head in a soothing manner while keeping one arm locked tight around me.
Was that so hard?
Shut up.
Eamon’s amused chuckle replayed in my memory.
Rome pressed a kiss to the top of my head as my sobs eased and then stopped.
“You didn’t come looking for me, did you?” Rome asked in a gravelly voice.
“No,” I admitted.
“Why?”
Not looking at him made it easier to be honest.
“Because I knew I wouldn’t survive the rejection.”
Rome’s arm’s flexed as he held me. “And why were you so sure that it would be rejection?”
I hesitated. Not wanting to make myself so vulnerable. But if this was a second chance, I wanted it to be free of secrets. I’d lived with that for too long.
“You were the one who wanted someone else. You cheated, and you didn’t apologize. You told me to go live my life and walked away from me.”
I heard his hiss.
“I never wanted someone else. Even then, I closed my fucking eyes and saw you. I had to let you go because I’d hold you back. Mom—” He stopped, and I waited, but he didn’t say more.
I pulled back enough so that I could look up at him.
“You were grieving,” I finished for him. “I realized that with time. That having me around was a reminder of her and it was painful.”
He let out a hard, humorless laugh. “No, Angel Face. You were the only reason I made it through the forty-eight hours following her death without completely falling apart. I needed you to breathe. It wasn’t that. It…it was…Mom told me that if I loved you, I’d let you go. That I would hold you back. I didn’t want to be the reason you didn’t get everything you wanted.”