Total pages in book: 196
Estimated words: 188002 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 940(@200wpm)___ 752(@250wpm)___ 627(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 188002 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 940(@200wpm)___ 752(@250wpm)___ 627(@300wpm)
I suppose it was a bittersweet decision for all of them. Freedom from No Tomorrow would open the door for new opportunities, but also would leave the door slightly ajar for them to still work together.
Blue agonized over his decision to leave the band. I’ve never seen him struggle like that before. When he decided to leave me years ago, I only saw and felt my own pain and suffering from his decision. I often wondered if what he did bothered him. Or did he just walk off without a care in the world, with an out-of-sight, out-of-mind attitude? But now I can see how much he really does care about the things that go on in his life, and how he affects others. He barely slept during the entire negotiation period. For hours he talked to me about how he worried the guys in the band would hate him. He worried that he was ruining their lives and killing their dreams. He was afraid the fans would turn on him. All very valid issues.
Several times I thought he was going to throw in the towel and stay with the band. Especially after witnessing all his mental anguish over what leaving the band would entail. The change in lifestyle and finances. The effect it would have on the others. Giving up the spotlight and walking away from the high of thousands of fans waiting in a crowd just to see and hear them—whether he ever wanted that or not. It’s a lot of change to take on, and years of work to walk away from.
But I’ve also seen the rare glimmer of hope and excitement in his eyes when he talks about the new life he wants to live. A quiet life as a family. He wants to write songs just for himself again—maybe produce an album of his own. I’m proud of him for wanting to chase his dreams and go back to the root of what he loves most about music. I admire the strength I see in him now and his unwillingness to make destructive choices as he used to in the past.
When he came to me with a smile and hug to tell me he’d made his final decision and would be letting the band go, I felt a mix of emotions. On one hand I was sad that he was letting go of a huge part of his life and success, but on the other hand I felt relief and happiness for our future together.
For the first time, we’re both on the same page and can plan a future together.
But now it’s my turn to make hard decisions.
Blue doesn’t want me to work anymore. He wants us to enjoy life together, maybe travel and take Lyric to see fun and beautiful places. We talked about trying for another baby in the future, when we both feel ready, and how amazing it would be for us both to be home to raise the baby together. The mere idea of seeing Blue with an infant in his arms, and witnessing his reaction to his baby’s first words and steps, makes me completely giddy.
Although my job can be stressful and not overly fulfilling, I’ve worked hard to climb the ladder at the office, so to speak. It’s taken me a long time to reach a salary where I’m not living paycheck to paycheck. Money won’t be an issue for us. His financial guy saved and invested his money for him, and he’ll receive sizeable royalties probably for the rest of his life that will keep us beyond comfortable. I’d much rather be spending my days with Blue and Lyric than sitting behind a desk. It’s hard to give up the independence I’ve worked so hard for, though. Giving up my job, my own income, and most likely my house, is a lot. Blue wants to support Lyric and me in every way possible, and that’ll be an entirely new way of life for us. I’ve always paid for everything myself. All the checks Blue has sent me over the years I immediately deposited in a savings account for Lyric. I still feel strange using the gold card he gave me months ago for anything and everything Lyric and I—and even the pets—need or want.
We also have to decide where we want to live. Here in New Hampshire? In Seattle? Someplace entirely new? I’ve lived in this town my entire life. My best friend lives right behind my house. That kind of comfort is going to be hard to give up.
Then there are wedding plans to figure out once Blue’s tour is over. Do I want a big fancy wedding? A destination wedding, maybe? Or something small and intimate?
My mind is boggled with all the option, questions, and decisions.
“Mom?”
I blink and stare at Lyric, who’s giggling at me.