Total pages in book: 122
Estimated words: 115590 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 578(@200wpm)___ 462(@250wpm)___ 385(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 115590 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 578(@200wpm)___ 462(@250wpm)___ 385(@300wpm)
He groaned into my throat, his body stiffening beneath me, fingers digging into my hips like he’d never let me go before he collapsed to the bed.
His ragged breaths broke the silence while I laid, staring at the dark ceiling. I could feel his eyes on me, but I couldn’t bring myself to look at him. No one will ever mean as much as you. The words went round and round my mind, until I’d twisted them every way, trying to convince myself they meant anything other than the only thing they possibly could.
“I’d do anything to make you happy,” he said.
“Then why are you trying to leave me?”
He exhaled, then shifted on the bed. “I’m not.”
We were right beside one another, yet there was a void of space between us, a thousand unspoken words hanging in the air. “You will, though.” People always left.
“No.” A hard exhale left his lips. “I’m too selfish to leave you.”
Anger flared up inside me, frustration and pain bubbling over. I pitched up on my elbow, glaring down at him. Too selfish to leave me? The past week, I had barely seen him, and when we were together, it felt like we were miles apart. Was he trying to push me away so I would leave him?
Moments passed. “Why are you doing this?” I whispered.
His fingers skimmed my waist. “I love you, Roe.”
I was so confused. But this wasn’t supposed to be complicated. I loved him. He loved me, and none of this was fair. He was playing with my heart, and I was just along for the ride. I needed off before he messed me up beyond recognition, but I didn’t know how.
Fighting my emotions, I got out of bed and dressed. Hating that I wanted to stay while having to go. I was just a girl who was hopeless for a boy. Even though I knew he would break me.
“You leaving?” Hurt laced his voice.
“Yeah.” My voice hitched. I took a step toward the door, then stopped, turning to look at him. The mattress springs groaned as he flipped onto his front, ignoring me completely.
It wasn’t until I hit the street corner and texted Jade, asking for a ride, that I broke down. Pain lanced through my chest. Ugly sobs clawed at me until I couldn’t breathe. He said he loved me, but he didn’t try to stop me from leaving. He had just let me go.
He let me go…
Jade spent most of the drive looking at me every two seconds like she expected me to have a mental breakdown at any moment. When she dropped me off, I could tell she was reluctant to leave, but I didn’t want to be around anyone right now.
I made my way up the rickety steps as her Jeep chugged away. I stopped at the door, staring at the piece of paper fluttering in the breeze. An eviction notice. I ripped it off, balling it my fist as I shoved inside, the stress and tension mounting. It felt like the whole world was against me right now.
No surprise, my mom was cracked out on the sofa, eyes half shut, and a syringe on the floor. I wished I had a mom who would be here for me, but I didn’t have time for self-pity. The tears started again. We would lose our home if I didn’t pay the damn rent, and I had enough saved up to cover a few months. I went to my room and dropped to my knees beside the chest of drawers. My palm slid down to the hole in the pressboard, and my heart rate ticked up when my fingers met nothing but wood. In a panic, I yanked out the bottom drawer, frantically searching for the money I had spent a year of my life stripping to save up, and now…
Rage tore through me as I stormed into the living room. I was so tired of the world taking a shit on me, and the only thing—the only person that made anything seem worthwhile, had turned out to be a letdown as well. Because people always left, whether physically or mentally, like my mom—they left.
I kicked my mother’s leg. “Did you take my money?”
Her head lolled to the side, and an incoherent groan slipped from her lips.
“God, I fucking hate you!” I screamed, wanting some sort of acknowledgment, but she didn’t even respond to my hate. There was nothing that could make her do a damn thing besides a bit of crack. It didn’t matter now. Either she took the money or Jerry did, but it was long gone.
It felt like the weight of the world pressed down on my shoulders. A continuous stream of tears tracked down my face. Whatever it was in me that had somehow remained intact through all the awful shit I had endured, Zepp had managed to break. Loving him had made me weak.