Total pages in book: 111
Estimated words: 102136 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 511(@200wpm)___ 409(@250wpm)___ 340(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 102136 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 511(@200wpm)___ 409(@250wpm)___ 340(@300wpm)
He grasped my hand like a thirsty man would grasp a glass of water. My hand was held in both of his, as though I had caught him in prayer. Beatrix stopped crying as I kissed her cheek. “Our daughter, Flame,” I emphasized, the acknowledgment of our miracle spoken aloud.
As I stared in adoration and awe at our daughter, I knew Flame loved her. I could feel it in his hold on my hand. But I could feel his fear too—my scared, lost, and broken boy. As I kissed Flame’s fingers, then kissed Beatrix’s cheek, I felt blessed beyond words, beyond what I deserved. And with one glance into our daughter’s eyes, I knew Flame would come to us eventually. He would embrace her love. She was our redemption, our salvation, and the union of our souls. I would give Flame the time he needed, steering him away from his fears and toward Beatrix’s warmth and light.
We had a daughter.
Our Beatrix.
Our hearts.
Our beautiful girl.
Chapter Fourteen
Flame
She was crying. I could hear her crying. The cellar’s walls were cold and hurt my skin. My hands hit the side of my head. I couldn’t hold her. I couldn’t fucking hold her. I’d hurt her. But she kept on crying.
Her crying hurt my ears. I didn’t want to look in the corner where she was. I didn’t wanna look. But her crying got louder and louder until I couldn’t take it. I rocked back and forth, the dirt wall of the cellar grinding into my back. “Stop,” I said, squeezing my eyes shut. “Stop crying!”
But she didn’t.
My heart was racing, the flames in my blood were burning my veins. She cried and cried. I couldn’t take it anymore. I moved to the corner where she laid. She only wore a diaper, but her skin was red. She had black hair on her little head… and then she turned to face me. I froze. I couldn’t fucking move as I looked at her face. “Beatrix,” I whispered. She looked at me. Her eyes looked right at me. There was a fucking fist around my heart when she did. “Beatrix,” I whispered. She looked like Maddie. She looked just like my Maddie. “I don’t wanna hurt you,” I pleaded, but her crying got louder. “Please, don’t make me, don’t make me…” Beatrix screamed, and I rushed forward, screaming myself as I took hold of her tiny body. She was so small in my arms. Her head rested in my palms, her little legs along my forearms. I looked down at her and felt my chest go tight. Something started choking my throat, something I couldn’t get out. Maddie… Beatrix looked just like Maddie.
“Maddie… help,” I pleaded, but Maddie wasn’t here. We were alone in the cellar. Maddie had died. Maddie had cut her wrists because I’d touched her. “NO!” I screamed when I remembered Maddie on the bed. She’d died after I’d held her hand. My vision blurred. “I can’t do it without you, Maddie. I can’t live without you.” But Maddie was gone. He’d put Beatrix in the cellar with me.
Her skin was hot. Too hot. The flames… the flames… I felt the flames grow hotter in my blood. Beatrix’s skin got hotter and hotter. Then her breathing shallowed. She stared at me the whole time. “No,” I whispered as she started taking strange breaths. “One,” I whispered, trying to keep her breathing, desperately trying not to burn her with my touch.
“Two.” Her breathing got slower and slower, sweat built on her skin. I held her closer. Beatrix, my Beatrix. “No, Please,” I said, then her chest raised again. “Three,” I announced and kept on counting. She couldn’t die. She couldn’t die too. “Four… five… six… seven… eight… nine… ten…” Beatrix went still, then raised her chest again, but her breathing sounded different—it rattled. “Eleven…” I whispered and drops of water from my eyes landed on her hot body.
Then she didn’t move. Her eyes glazed over. She went completely still. No, no, no! “Twelve,” I said, urging her to breathe. But she didn’t breathe again. “Twelve… twelve…” I begged. But her body didn’t move. Her eyes didn’t blink. Her skin began to cool. The flames had taken her, just like they’d taken Maddie. “Beatrix,” I said, but she didn’t cry, she didn’t move. She went cold, but I kept her in my arms.
Her face was perfect, just like Maddie’s. Maddie would kiss her forehead. So I kissed her forehead. “Don’t leave me too,” I pleaded, but her eyes didn’t move. “Don’t go away too,” I begged. But she didn’t cry again. I pulled her to my chest and held her like I’d watched Maddie hold her. I tried to keep her warm, but as hours passed, she got colder and colder. She’d gone. Maddie had gone. Isaiah had gone. They all left me. I hurt them and they left me. Poppa told me they all would, that no one would ever love me, that I was evil…