Total pages in book: 111
Estimated words: 102136 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 511(@200wpm)___ 409(@250wpm)___ 340(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 102136 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 511(@200wpm)___ 409(@250wpm)___ 340(@300wpm)
I didn’t want to hurt my mama.
I didn’t want to hurt my baby brother.
“Baby…” Mama turned on the light. It hurt my eyes. I was used to the dark, not the light. Mama came closer. I saw my baby brother in her arms.
“No,” I shouted, shaking my head, as she reached out her hand. “You can’t touch me. Please…” Mama started crying. I didn’t want her to cry. She was too pretty to cry.
Mama pulled back her hand but sat on the floor in front of me. “Baby...” Mama pointed at the words on my body, and tears fell down her cheeks. It made my chest ache.
A teardrop fell from her face, and my baby brother moved in her arms. My eyes dropped to him. Mama smiled and pushed down the blanket so I could see him better. He was tiny. “Your baby brother,” she whispered. I checked his face. I didn’t know if he looked like me. I didn’t want him to. I didn’t want flames to run in his veins too. I didn’t want Poppa to hurt him, for Pastor Hughes to put snakes on him.
“Isaiah.” Mama shuffled closer.
“Don’t.” I pressed myself against the wall. Mama stopped, and when I knew she wasn’t coming closer, I looked at my brother again. He was watching me.
“He knows you,” Mama said.
I swallowed the strange lump that was in my throat. “He does?”
“Because you’re his big brother, Josiah. He knows you’ll always protect him.”
“I will?” I didn’t know how. I was bad.
“You’re not evil, baby,” Mama said. But it was because she didn’t understand what evil was. Poppa told me she didn’t. Suddenly, Isaiah lifted his hand, almost touching mine. I pulled my hand back. He was still looking at me. “He only wanted to hold your finger, baby. He wants to meet his big brother.”
“Hold… hold my finger?”
“Watch,” Mama said. She put her finger toward my brother, and he curled his hand around it. Mama smiled. “He only wants to say hello.”
“I can’t.” I tucked my hands under my legs. I wanted to hold his hand. But I couldn’t hurt him. I couldn’t make him a sinner like me.
“Baby,” my mama said.
“Promise me…” She looked down at Isaiah and kissed his cheek. I wanted her to kiss my cheek too. But she couldn’t. I wouldn’t let her. No one could ever kiss my cheek.
“Promise me you will always love your brother, Josiah. That you’ll always look after him. Protect him. It’s what big brothers do.”
“I promise.”
Mama started crying again. “One day, when you leave this place, take him with you. Keep him safe. And love him. Allow him to love you too. You both deserve it.”
I didn’t know why she was saying these things. My poppa would never let me leave.
“You’re not evil. You’re my precious little boy who just sees the world differently. It’s Poppa who doesn’t understand. You’re special and loved. So much, baby. Do you understand me? Do you believe me?” I nodded, but, really, I didn’t. “I love you. I will always love you, and Isaiah. Even when I’m not here. You are brothers, and brothers protect one another.” Mama looked down at Isaiah again. He was still holding her finger in his tiny hand. “And one day, when you feel brave, you might let him hold your finger too. You won’t hurt him, baby. I know you won’t.”
I wanted to be brave. I wanted to be brave for Mama. But I couldn’t touch him. I couldn’t hurt him. Maybe one day, when the flames were gone and the devil had left my soul, I would finally let him hold my finger.
Chapter One
Flame
Present day…
“I swear, she had fuck-all gag reflex. She kept going and going, taking all the anaconda down her throat.” Viking whistled as we walked into the clubhouse. “I blacked out. I swear I fucking blacked out when she gripped my balls in her fist and I exploded into her mouth.” He nudged AK. “Rudge had her next. Said he lost the ability to speak for ten minutes afterwards. Slut was that good.”
“Good to know, brother,” AK said, as he pushed open the door to church.
“I know, right? You and Flame here may have permanent blue balls now you’re all glued to your ball-and-chains, but not me. Y’all can live vicariously through me.”
“That mean we ‘vicariously’ get gonorrhea through your whore ass too?” AK said.
Viking put his hand on his chest. “In all my conquests I have yet to contract any STDs, spank you very much, motherfucker.”
AK looked at Vike. “Bullshit. I remember the chlamydia epidemics of 2010, 2012, and 2014.”
Viking shrugged. “Well, yeah, but what’s a little clam between friends? I’m clean as a fucking whistle now.”
AK shook his head and took his seat. As I sat down, I looked at Ash, who was leaning against the wall. He had a smoke in his hand and was chewing on his lip ring. He hadn’t come home last night. Maddie was up all night, worrying. I’d tried to call him, but he hadn’t answered. My chest made a strange ache. I rubbed my hand over my sternum. I didn’t know how to fucking speak to the kid. Maddie said he was in pain over Slash dying. Said he needed help. I didn’t know what the hell kind of help I could give. He didn’t even talk much anymore. Stayed with Smiler a lot, at his place.