Total pages in book: 142
Estimated words: 135522 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 678(@200wpm)___ 542(@250wpm)___ 452(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 135522 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 678(@200wpm)___ 542(@250wpm)___ 452(@300wpm)
Anthony frowns, then shakes his head and faces me. “Guess I better head out. Sorry if I overstepped. I just …” He comes back to the blanket to gather his phone off the ground. “I just can’t keep quiet when I see someone like that, bottling it all in … like my own dad does. Reverend Trey taught me to notice it. Now I do. It ain’t healthy. Someone’s gotta give it to your dad straight, right?”
I don’t know what I’m going to face now with my dad when I go inside, thanks to Anthony and his ever-running mouth. I can’t help but stand here, unsure what to say, what to do, how to feel.
So I say nothing, do nothing, and feel nothing.
“Don’t worry,” says Anthony after I’m silent for too long. “I’ll see myself out. I don’t live far. Can use the fresh air. See you at the, uh, final rehearsal thing or whatever.” He heads for the side gate, has trouble with it for a second, then finally lets himself out.
I glance at the windows of the living room as Anthony’s words circle around inside my head. I wonder whether he was way off about my dad—or told him exactly what he needed to hear.
Suddenly I’m confused all over again.
Should I have thanked Anthony?
The touch of Noah’s hand on my shoulder brings me back. I turn and wrap him in my arms immediately. He squeezes me, too, holding me without saying anything for some time.
I let out a little sigh. “Well, I guess I couldn’t hide it from you forever. My curse. The thing no one in Spruce really knows about.”
“Your dad …?” asks Noah sensitively.
“Both my parents. They hate each other. I live in a house full of hate. It’s why …” I let out a sad little chuckle. “It’s why I haven’t invited you over here since that day you interviewed me. Well, the day you almost interviewed me,” I amend, “before I kissed you and scared you away.”
I hear Noah chuckle. “You didn’t scare me away.”
“I’m sorry I’ve been hiding this side of my life from you. I just didn’t want you to see it so soon. I did warn you I’m not the perfect guy everyone wants to believe.”
“No one is,” says Noah. “And that’s fine. Isn’t that the point? That we’re all flawed?” He rubs my back. “I like to see all of you, not just the shiny parts. I like the rough stuff, too. It’s what makes photography so compelling, like when I try to capture everything into a photo. Not just the beauty. I want to see the spot of dirt on your jeans. Or the wrinkle in your shirt. Or the few out-of-place strands of hair. It’s what creates real beauty in a photograph. It’s what our hearts connect to after our eyes are satisfied.”
I close my eyes as we embrace each other in my backyard, his heart beating against me, my heart beating against him. I feel his warmth like I feel my own.
In a moment like this when I’m at my weakest, Noah makes me feel strong.
I finally take a breath, then allow myself to smile. “Despite what my dad said … you’re not going anywhere.”
He pulls away. “What?”
“I want you to stay the night with me. First time in my room.” I run a hand through his hair. “I think you should stay the night and keep me company. I can sneak you out in the morning.”
I watch the gears turn in his eyes. His body tightens up.
I predicted this is how he’d react.
He’s always so afraid to go against the grain.
I think I’m starting to find all of his adorable idiosyncrasies at fault for why my heart keeps leaping every time I witness them.
For why my heart keeps falling deeper and deeper for him.
For why I can’t stand any minute of the day I’m not with him.
“Oh, look!” he exclaims, his eyes catching something. “I think they’re coming out now!”
I turn, looking up. Sure enough, the dark clouds have spread and thinned like a velvet curtain, revealing a shiny glittering of stars across the sky. I hold Noah in my arms, chin nuzzled in his neck, as we gaze up at the stars together, feeling warm in each other’s embrace.
Maybe someday soon I’ll have the bravery to say my thoughts out loud. To tell Noah that I’m losing my mind over him. To look him in his sweet little eyes and tell him how I feel. That I’m a mess in his presence. And I’m a mess when he’s far away. That I think of nothing and no one but him. That under a spread of stars, there is no one else in the universe that shines as brightly as he does, no one else I’d rather be holding in my arms right now.