Total pages in book: 142
Estimated words: 135522 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 678(@200wpm)___ 542(@250wpm)___ 452(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 135522 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 678(@200wpm)___ 542(@250wpm)___ 452(@300wpm)
“What are we doing?”
He pauses. “Hanging out. About to eat cookies.”
“What are we really doing?”
He puts his hands in his pockets and leans back against my desk. “Did you … not want me to stay over, Noah?”
“I … I didn’t say that.”
Cole meets my eyes. “So you do want me to stay over?”
My eyes dart to the bed.
The sheets, despite our efforts to smooth them out before my mom came in, still have wrinkles.
Those sheets are like my life right now. No matter how much I try to smooth it out, I see wrinkles and messes everywhere I look.
Of course I want him to stay.
But isn’t it normal for me to also be a bit freaked out?
Cole pushes away from the desk, slowly crosses the room, and stops in front of me. “Noah … I totally understand if you don’t feel comfortable with me staying here. You’ve had a really long day. You’re exhausted. You probably just want time to yourself and—”
“No.”
He freezes. “No …?”
“I’m …”
I close my eyes and picture the alternative. Me, in my room, alone with my thoughts. All of my thoughts being Cole and our series of interrupted kisses. While lying on a bed. That we just made a mess out of. That bed and my thoughts and my rampant, recently-acquired appetites.
My tone changes completely. “I’m glad … that you’re here.”
“You are?”
“Yes.”
When I open my eyes, I find Cole gazing at me. Smiling.
He still doesn’t know the power in his smile.
Or maybe he does. Maybe he is very aware of the power in his smile, and that’s exactly why he uses it. It is a weapon that he has learned over the course of his life can get him anything he wants, a weapon that happens to be conveniently attached to his face.
And with just a few muscles, his weapon is unsheathed, then casts its magic.
I stare at him with unwavering focus.
Captured.
He continues to gaze into my eyes when he speaks. “I’m glad I’m here, too.”
You can only stare into the sun for so long.
Then your eyes become damaged. Your brain turns into jelly beans. And tears of anguish begin to crystalize on your cheeks like tiny pathways made of diamond dust and salt.
In other words, I ought to look away from his eyes before any of that happens. “I’ll get you some clothes and set a towel out in case you want to, um, shower.” I’d better look away from his eyes at once. Danger is imminent. “It’s been a long day for you as well, and I—” Maintaining eye contact with someone like Cole for this long is bad for your health. “—and I’m sure your face is still greasy from all of the photo shoot makeup. You don’t want to break out.”
“Is that what you’re worried about?” asks Cole softly. “That I might … break out from insufficiently-removed makeup …?”
“I’ve heard horror stories from Tamika,” I reason, still staring into his eyes, still feeling the everlasting assault of his cruel smile, still tempting the devil in his face. “Stage makeup is … is a nasty … nasty invention that … uh, that doesn’t easily wash off.”
“That sounds pretty bad,” he says in a faux serious tone, the kind you’d use with a kid you’re humoring.
“I-I’m being serious,” I choke.
He takes a step closer to me.
I don’t step back. I dare myself to stay right where I am, to let him get closer, to stand my ground.
His smile twists into a smirk. “There are a lot of things in life that don’t easily wash off.”
I swallow. “Like what?”
“Things you can’t see. They’re inside you. Growing. Spreading. Worsening by the minute.”
“Like E. coli …?”
Cole brings a hand to my cheek, gently caressing, his eyes lost in mine. “Feelings,” he answers. “Feelings for someone I’ve cared about for a very long time. Feelings I … I really should have been brave enough to act upon years ago.” He shakes his head. “These kinds of things don’t ever wash off. Once you’ve got them, you’ve got them for good.”
This close to Cole, I can only hold my breath.
Whoever that was a moment ago, that other version of me who was so bold, he fled and left me to my own devices—except all of my devices seem to be rebooting at the moment, cursors blinking, nothing up and operating, everything locked up.
I lower my gaze. “I’m gonna need a little help.”
Cole lifts his eyebrows. “Help?”
“I know it may not seem like it, especially with …” I close my eyes. It’s easier to talk this way. “… with how I acted a moment ago on that bed. A-And in the car. But I’m not really sure what I’m … what I’m doing. With you. Or any of this. I’ve never actually been with another guy. Like at all.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really.”
He processes it slowly. “Are you saying I’m your first—?”