Total pages in book: 93
Estimated words: 88536 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 443(@200wpm)___ 354(@250wpm)___ 295(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 88536 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 443(@200wpm)___ 354(@250wpm)___ 295(@300wpm)
“A little harder, love. I may like it.” I stop hitting him, and even when I try to wiggle free from his grasp, he doesn’t let me go. He just strides on, and the busy crowd parts for him like he’s some kind of God.
He finally stops and puts me down when I see an all-black car. He opens the door, but I refuse to get in.
“No, Will! Enough. I won’t be some consolation prize!” Now, I don’t even care who can hear me.
“You’re not!” he says desperately. “I’m losing my mind and I don’t know what to do. But, Alina, I know it all keeps coming back to you. I need you.”
“I need someone who can love me unconditionally, Will. Someone who won’t have me comparing myself with their past. Someone who makes me feel secure!” I adamantly say.
“You want me to drop down to one knee? I will,” he replies breathlessly.
My mouth opens and then snaps shut. Tears water my eyes, and a hot rage fills me. “How fucking dare you! Do you think I’m going to be appeased because you want to shut me up with a ring?”
“No, but I’m willing to give you whatever you want. I will take vows to chain myself to you, Alina, if that’s the start to make you feel secure.”
I scoff. “Is that what I am to you, a ball and chain?”
“You’re so much more and you know that,” he insists. “It’s not just the fun we have, Alina. You are a piece of me I didn’t realize that’s missing. That I never thought I could have again.”
It’s a cruel, twisted joke as I try to laugh between sobs. “And what about Hayley?” The ghost in the room, my unsaid competition. And I hate that I even think of her that way because I’ve never felt this way about someone who is so attached to his ghosts.
“I’m learning to let go,” he says quietly, and tears begin to well in his eyes. “Please, Alina, I’m trying. I want a future with you. I want a future where we can grow and build a family.”
I scoff at that last part, but I can’t even see him through the tears that fill my eyes.
“You never told me you were pregnant,” he adds, and I can feel my heart breaking.
“You don’t get a say in this!”
“Of course I get a say in this!” he screams back. Right now, despite the public display, it only feels like us.
“This might be a moment for you, a chivalrous responsibility you’re feeling, but this is my life. My responsibility. When you decide to come and go, I will be raising this child.”
“It’s not just you!”
“How is it not? How can you expect me to believe that you can go from ‘we’re just having a fling’ to ‘I want to put a ring on your finger and raise this child together’?”
“I ran into a burning building for you! I don’t know how else I can show you other than with actions as to how much I love you! I was in so much fucking fear that day that I thought I’d lose you!” More tears well in my eyes at his confession.
“I’ve tried so hard to keep you away because I thought it was best for you, but I’m too fucking selfish for that.” He takes a step forward. “I can’t… I just can’t imagine you in a world that doesn’t allow me in it. Yes, you started off as a job. But, Alina, you turned into a beacon I didn’t even realize I needed.” He’s a mess as he reaches for my hand. “Please, Alina. I will prove to you that I can be a better man. I will do anything that you ask of me.”
“And if I ask you to leave me alone?” I squeak out because this is ridiculous. It brings me too much pain and turmoil. It hurts and splits me in two, and I can’t handle the hold he has over me.
“I can’t do that,” he admits as he takes another step and encroaches further into my space. “I won’t let any other man have you. Steven’s lucky I didn’t fucking shoot him. I can’t do this without you, Alina. I’m fucking miserable.”
Tears stream down my cheeks as I look into his blue eyes that are also leaking tears, and I think this isn’t only me he’s mourning but perhaps what he’s forced to relinquish as he makes this confession. The wife of his past and the future with me he’s imagining for himself now.
“I fucking hate you so much,” I confess through a shaky breath. He should’ve stayed away and made it easier for the both of us. But I’m so tired of fighting him. Of fighting this connection.
“I know, love.” He dips his forehead to mine. “But I will find you no matter what part of the world you’re in. I just can’t stay away from you. Please let me stay,” he says quietly, and the vulnerability breaks me in two.