Total pages in book: 136
Estimated words: 131789 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 659(@200wpm)___ 527(@250wpm)___ 439(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 131789 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 659(@200wpm)___ 527(@250wpm)___ 439(@300wpm)
“Sloane,” he says urgently. “Hey. Sloane. It’s all right. You’re all right.”
“She was dead,” I hear myself stutter through my shaking fit. “I couldn’t even go to her because I was sure she was dead and I didn’t want to see it.”
“Hey, hey.” RJ pulls me into his arms and cradles my head to his chest. “It’s okay. You’re both okay.”
“She nearly drowned. Just like our mother.”
“I know,” he whispers against my hair.
“I didn’t even know she was alive until Duke hoisted her into his arms and shouted for an ambulance. And then later, I sat beside her hospital bed for hours, watching her come in and out of consciousness and then double over in hysterical tears when she remembered it was real.” My lungs burn with the struggle of breathing. “Dad arrived in a fit. Delirious with panic. He cornered me outside her room to hiss about how could I have let this happen. As if I wasn’t already as traumatized.”
Tears stream down my cheeks at the painful memory. The moment when we should have been pulling together as a family, we were coming apart at the seams.
RJ’s T-shirt becomes damp against my face, my fingers tightening around fistfuls of fabric. I’m afraid I might sink into the dirt if he doesn’t keep me upright. I can’t feel my legs.
“I’m sorry,” I say, sniffling.
“No. I’m so sorry, Sloane. I shouldn’t have let you come here alone. I should’ve come with you.”
I swipe at my wet, swollen eyes. “I didn’t think it would be this bad.”
“It’s fine.” RJ rubs small, slow circles down my back. “You’re fine. I promise.”
“I’m not, though. People always think I’ve got my shit together. That I’m so impenetrable. Nothing gets to me.” My bottom lip trembles, my eyes stinging again. That’s always been my defense mechanism. Roar and beat my chest to scare away the predators. Can’t let them see me scared. “I think I started to believe my own bullshit.”
“Listen to me.” He pulls away just enough to swipe his thumb across my cheek and pull the tears away. “This is real shit. You don’t have to be okay. You shouldn’t be. I know we just met, but from what I’ve seen, you’re tough as hell, Sloane. Never forget that.”
A half sob, half choked laugh bursts out of me. “No. I do have to be okay. I have to, RJ. I can’t let them see I’m soft inside.”
“We’re all soft inside,” he says roughly, continuing to wipe my tears away. “But I get it. If you let people see your vulnerabilities, that gives them power. Am I close?”
I nod meekly.
“And you don’t want that.”
“I don’t want that,” I echo in a weak whisper.
“So you play games.”
He does get it. I gulp through the painful lump in my throat. “You do it too.”
“All the time. But you know what?” He reaches for my hand and brings it up to his chest, pressing my palm on his left pec, right above his heart. “If seeing you like this right now gives me power, it’s nothing compared to the power you have over me. Feel the way my heart beats faster when you touch me? I’m a fucking goner for you.”
I smile through my tears. “All this sappiness is a major turn-off, you know.”
“Bullshit. You love it.”
RJ takes on a contemplative expression. I’ve come to recognize the crease between his eyebrows and the hundred-yard stare when he’s in deep thought.
“What is it?” I ask.
“I was just thinking about something Silas said to me. Right when I first started chasing after you. He said a part of you will always be out of reach. That nobody will ever be able to completely pin you down.” My hand is still on his chest, and RJ covers my knuckles with his warm palm. “I think he’s wrong. I think I’ve pinned you down.”
With a shaky laugh, I press my cheek against his shoulder. He’s not wrong. I was out of reach for every guy who came before him. I used to play games because I needed the power that comes with the upper hand.
But, weirdly enough, there’s power in letting go and being vulnerable. I understand that now, as I feel his heart racing beneath my palm, as I sink into the strength of his arms.
Whatever doubts or reservations I might have harbored over forgiving RJ for his deceit evaporate as he hugs me tight. Because he doesn’t have to be here. There are easier ways to pad his spank bank. He could have hightailed it out of my life a dozen times tonight for all the drama I’ve thrown in his lap. It feels nice, actually, that the thing that keeps him here is me.
“You good to stand up?” he asks, taking my hand.
I nod, and he helps me to my feet. My legs are sturdy again. My hand is secured tightly in RJ’s.