Total pages in book: 96
Estimated words: 91213 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 456(@200wpm)___ 365(@250wpm)___ 304(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 91213 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 456(@200wpm)___ 365(@250wpm)___ 304(@300wpm)
“Wow,” Jules mutters, but before she can start reading, the waitress returns with our meals. Jules ordered a Cobb salad and I ordered grilled chicken and some veggies. As much as I was offended by Lucas giving me a planner to monitor my health and nutrition, I’m not stupid and I do take good care of myself. I’ve even cut down the Cherry Garcia to once a week.
We start our meals and Jules peruses my notes for a bit.
“Are you sure you really want to help out on this?” I ask her dubiously. “I know you’re still working part time at Sweetbrier, and painting and raising three kids, so—”
“Oh, I want to help,” Jules says quickly. “I’m only working about ten hours a week at Sweetbrier and the painting is just a hobby that earns me some extra money. Annabelle’s starting kindergarten in the fall, and I really want to stay busy, and frankly, this just really sounds like a lot of fun to do.
“Okay then,” I say with a smile, then spear a piece of chicken.
“If I help, though,” Jules says, and an ominous feeling slides over me from her tone of voice. “You have to know that you may run into Lucas at some point.”
I lift an eyebrow and tilt my head at her in question.
“I’m just saying, Max will want to come and help, as it’s a brilliant idea, and that means Lucas might want to. I don’t know that for sure, but I guess I need to know if that will be a problem.”
The thought of seeing Lucas sends a thrill through me, so I know I’m nowhere near over that man no matter how much I want to deny it. Still, my voice is level and nonchalant. “Of course, I don’t mind. I’m not mad at him, and I’d like to think he’s cool with me. Besides, we are still going through this pregnancy together.”
Jules doesn’t say anything but just looks down to her salad to fork some lettuce.
“He is going to stay involved in the pregnancy, right?” I ask, and the thought that he won’t sends me into a moment of panic.
Jules’s head snaps up and her eyes soften with apology. “Yes. Of course. I mean I think so. He hasn’t given me any reason to think not.”
“But you think there’s a possibility he won’t?” I push at her.
“He’s not coming to your next visit,” Jules admits with worried eyes. “But in fairness, he will be traveling, as that falls right between games three and four, which will be away.”
I nod, because I knew this. Lucas may have been radio silent with me, but I did know his travel schedule and was dismayed that my fourteen-week visit would occur while he was gone.
“Has he said anything, though,” I continue to pry. “Anything to indicate I’m on my own here?”
“Isn’t that the way you want it?” Jules asks bluntly, but not meanly. Her voice is soft and gentle.
I can’t answer her without lying. It’s not the way I want it, but I’ve got no right to say that. I’ve got no standing to even voice my desires. I pushed Lucas away and it hurt him badly. He lashed out me with vicious words of his own, and I’m still hurt about that.
Maybe it’s just best if we have as little contact as possible. In fact, I’m betting he doesn’t even want to come to the appointments anymore because I think that had more to do with his feelings for me than anything.
I take a sip of my water, and when I set the glass down, I tell Jules, “I don’t think what I want matters.”
“Of course it matters,” Jules says quickly.
I shake my head. “No. Things ended badly, but even if they hadn’t, the point is, it ended. Both of us drew some lines in the sand. Some pretty harsh words were spoken.”
“What did Lucas say to you?” Jules asks with eyes blazing.
I shake my head again.
“What did he say?” she grits out.
An overwhelming despondency takes root within me, knowing that the terrible things that Lucas said are probably true. But maybe they’re not, and I think it would be nice to have one person believe in me. So I take the risk and open myself up. It’s what Lucas has been after to me to do anyway, right?
“He told me I was weak,” I whisper as my eyes lower to the table. “Said he felt sorry for our kid and that I was going to fuck up its life the way my parents did to me.”
Jules gasps and her face mottles red. “That little fucker.”
Holding my hand up, I admit glumly, “He’s probably right.”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Steph,” Jules barks at me. “He’s totally wrong and he’s an asshole to have said that to you.”