Total pages in book: 128
Estimated words: 127712 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 639(@200wpm)___ 511(@250wpm)___ 426(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 127712 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 639(@200wpm)___ 511(@250wpm)___ 426(@300wpm)
He’s not going to get over this.
He’s not.
Not without help.
He’s going to die in this chair. He’s going to wither away and just die.
And that’s not going to happen.
“Hey,” I say. Slipping my shoes off. It’s wet outside and I don’t want to track mud across his hand-scraped wood floors.
He lazily drags his gaze away from the window and almost managed to focus on me. “What’s up?”
My heart started breaking for him back in West Virginia. It was just a little crack though.
Now? Now it’s feeling shattered.
“I’ve been thinking about something.”
He gets up, pulls another chair over to his, then points to it and sits back down. “Join me. Tell me.”
I walk over to him, but I do not sit in the chair. “Stand up.”
“What?” That one eyebrow goes up. And if nothing else, I’ve piqued his curiosity.
“You heard me. Stand up.”
“Why?”
“If you stand up, you’ll see.”
He sighs, stands back up, and kinda flops his arm at me. “Now what?”
“Take off your coat.”
He tilts his head at me. “Why?”
“Because I want your coat. And for fuck’s sake, Mercer. A suit?”
“There’s nothing wrong with my suit.” He slips his arms out of the coat and hands it to me. I take it and fold it neatly across my arm. He’s right, of course. His suit is very nice. And him inside this suit is the definition of handsome.
“What do you wear to bed?”
“Why do you want to know that?”
“Because I’m trying to picture you in pajama pants and can’t quite muster that image up. I think you sleep in a suit.”
By now, he is catching on that I’m playing with him. I know he’s catching on because his shoulders visibly relax. “I sleep naked. Can you muster that one up?”
I smile and nod. Then I take the suit coat, open it up, and place it on the floor right in front of his chair.
His smirk falters as he looks at the coat, then back up at me. “What are you doing?”
“Loving you, Mercer. I’m loving you. Now stop asking so many questions and sit down.”
He hesitates. Perhaps factoring in what Locke might think about this.
“He knows,” I say. “I told him I was coming over here.”
Mercer stares at me. Then my lips. Then me again. “You don’t have to do this, Nova. I’m fine.”
“You’re right, I don’t. But you’re not fine, Mercer. You’re faltering. And this is what one does right before they fall.” I slowly shake my head at him. “There is no fucking way I will let you fall now. Not after all that shit we went through to get here. Fuck that. You will. Not. Fall. So sit down in the chair so I can make myself comfortable.”
I think I can hear his heartbeat.
Or maybe that’s mine.
He sits.
And I lower myself to the floor between his legs.
This isn’t submission.
What I’m doing has nothing to do with submission.
It’s just love.
He needs this. He needs to keep a part of himself.
And I need to be the one who helps him do that.
So I place my cheek on his thigh, and his fingers automatically begin playing with my hair, and we both let out a long sigh.
Like… maybe it’s over.
But also like… maybe this is just another new beginning.
Then I close my eyes and I know that he knows.
No matter what happens next, I will accept him just the way he is.
EPILOGUE - NOVA
I sleep with Locke.
We make breakfast.
We dote on Veda.
We shower together.
We make lunch.
We work on the farm.
We dote on Veda some more.
We make dinner.
We read to Veda.
We put her to bed.
We kiss.
We make love.
We sleep.
And we wake up and do it again.
And this is the fantasy.
My perfect fantasy.
But it’s real.
Travis sends post cards. He says he’ll be back, but even if he stays away forever, we still love him.
Days pass.
Weeks.
Months.
A year.
And then, one day, Mercer is standing at our front door.
After visiting him daily this whole time—a visit where I sit at his feet and he pets me—he has decided he is OK.
And we have decided that we’re all OK.
And we can do this.
We can have a brand new fresh start.
So that’s the beginning.
Patricia never really understood this.
She thought it was the past that makes us who we are. And if someone steals it away, you will drift and get lost.
But that’s not true at all.
It’s only the present that counts.
And our present starts the day Mercer comes home.
There is more to consider than love when you fall for someone.
You must know what they need.
Locke needs family.
Mercer needs acceptance.
And Travis needs to roam.
Loving dark men is never easy.
But this is how I do it.