Total pages in book: 63
Estimated words: 57043 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 285(@200wpm)___ 228(@250wpm)___ 190(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 57043 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 285(@200wpm)___ 228(@250wpm)___ 190(@300wpm)
“Didn’t stop us before,” I comment and wonder if it’s all in my head. If there really was nothing there for her. She only huffs a laugh and smiles. Is she teasing me? Does she still want me? I can’t tell. But I know sadness in her eyes when I see it. The question begs to be asked: what happened?
My heart beats hard, sending blood rushing to my face. The beat is loud in my ears now that all the noise from the evening is gone, and...this isn't how I thought this would go. Somehow, I thought...
I want to step closer to Renee, want it so bad I can taste her lips on mine, but I lean back an inch and kick at some of the rocks that came loose from the snow. I swallow down my disappointment.
I shove my hands in my pockets so I don't reach out and touch her. I don’t care that we were pretending. If that's how it started…it turned into something more. Didn’t it? It's killing me that she thinks that’s all it was. That after everything, she still thinks it was fake.
Renee tucks her body tight to her car, her other arm over her stomach, and I think about saying it. How hard could it be to tell her the truth?
It was never pretend for me.
What we did behind closed doors…that wasn’t for an audience.
It's late, and everybody in the whole damn world is asleep, and nobody has to know what we say to each other. Nobody has to know anything, but Renee should know this.
“What if—”
A pair of headlights shine on the snow, and a car rumbles along the dirt road, slow to account for the snow and the late hour. I lean back, but don't let myself take the step. What does it matter if they see? Why does anything matter except Renee?
Renee and I both watch the car go. One of its wheels dips into a groove and spins. I brace myself for it to get stuck. If that happens, I'll have to go push them out, and Renee will be gone, and it'll be too late.
Whoever's behind the wheel revs the accelerator and their wheel pops free of the groove. They keep driving until they're out of sight.
I turn back to Renee, but her eyes are still on the spot where that car disappeared into the night. It's clear the moment was broken by that car. I'm not going to get it back. She bites her lip, looking beautiful and determined, and I'm not sure I like where that look's going. Car or not, maybe I was already too late. Maybe it was never on the table for this to be real.
Renee lets out a small sigh, her breath white in the cold. It dissipates quickly, and I keep my hands pushed into my pockets.
She looks up at me, and it feels like she's a million miles away instead of half a step across a snow-covered dirt parking area.
“All the what ifs don't add up when it comes to us, Griffin.”
There's a beat where I think she might take it back, but her face doesn't fall and her eyes don't soften and she doesn't. She opens the driver's side door of her car and climbs in.
I wrap my hand around the top of the doorframe as she puts on her seatbelt. It clicks into place, and I want to reach down and undo it. I could take her hand and pull her out of the car and kiss her. Remind her of what it feels like. My fingers tighten on the doorframe, but I can't be the guy who chases her if she doesn’t want to be chased.
I have to force myself to loosen my grip.
“Get home safe, Renee.”
“You, too.” Her hands are on the wheel. She looks up at me, and there's something in her eyes that makes my stomach sink. It makes me sure that someday, she's going to leave this town, and I'm never going to see her again.
I open my mouth to say something. I could tell her not to drive away. I could admit to the feeling that's taking up my whole chest. I could make her promise not to leave town.
Based on what? Something she thinks is pretend?
There's a hint of indecision in her eyes, but then she takes a breath, and I don't want her to tell me to shut the door. I don't want to make her ask me to back away.
“Good night,” I tell her, and shut the door for her.
Renee turns away and reaches for something on the dash. Her headlights turn on, and they splash against the back door of the bar. It looks empty in the light, almost abandoned, and that's not how it felt a few minutes ago. It felt cozy, all tucked in for the night, but that was only because she was waiting out here for me.