Total pages in book: 59
Estimated words: 55912 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 280(@200wpm)___ 224(@250wpm)___ 186(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 55912 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 280(@200wpm)___ 224(@250wpm)___ 186(@300wpm)
She takes the tray out and turns to me, tears glistening in her eyes. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I’m sorry I told that evil man. I’m an idiot, a drunken idiot, but I’ll be better.”
“Mom.” I walk around the counter, pick up a dishrag, and gently take the tray from her. Laying it down, I bring her into a hug. “I thought you were going to die. I don’t care about anything else.”
Except for Jamie.
“I hate lying to you.” She sobs, squeezing me tightly. “I don’t lie to you, Lena. Say what you want, but I don’t do that, do I?”
“No,” I say, swallowing a ball of emotion. It’s just like I was telling Jamie. “Nobody could ever say that.”
“Let’s eat this pizza and forget about all this nastiness. Tomorrow, we’ll be home, where we belong.”
“Yeah,” I say, even if it hurts my chest, the idea of leaving Jamie and being apart from him. My two-job life of basically just existing seems so tame and small now. “Shall we watch a movie or something?”
“Let’s watch something silly. Something we used to watch when you were a girl.”
“With Dad,” I say, smiling.
She turns away, nods, and looks for the tray. She won’t meet my eye. “Yeah, with Dad.”
What was that? Soon, we’re eating pizza and watching an old animated movie. It’s enough to sit here and pretend, just like I did last night, that nothing else matters. Nothing else exists.
Toward the end of the movie, Mom sits up, glancing at the hallway. “I wonder what Jamie is doing.”
My belly tightens. I try not to show my reaction. I feel like I might be sick. Weirdly, I imagine her response if I told her about the belly spanking. It’s so weird. So us. Maybe they did it together, too. Oh, ew! “Yeah,” I say lamely.
“He’s a good person,” Mom says. “I think he’s done some bad things, maybe, but I can tell he’s a good person.”
My throat gets tight. Maybe this is my chance. “Do you think you’ll give it another try?” I ask.
She turns to me sharply. She looks almost manic again. I regret the question right away. She squeezed her hand tight. I know she’s got the cross in there, digging it into her palm. She’s going to need a lot of healing after this. “Why? Has he said anything?”
“What would he say?” I reply.
“Well, anything about us. About the past. Anything like that.” She won’t look at me again, just like when I mentioned Dad.
“I was just wondering,” I say. No, let’s be honest. I lie. I could tell her what Jamie said about them not being together but look at Mom. She clearly cares. She didn’t just make it up. “I remember how excited you used to get about the dates and stuff.”
Mom laughs strangely. She’s staring at the TV, not at me, even as the credits roll. “Oh, oh, yes. I remember that.” Is she lying? “They were… memorable.” But could she be lying?
I’m not going to push her on it tonight. I’d feel like the lowest of the low. She’s being so shifty, though. It’s so different from how she used to talk about the dates. I can’t help myself, but I should leave it. “You know, Mom, if you sort of exaggerated stuff, so I wouldn’t think anything suspicious was going on, I wouldn’t blame you.”
She looks at me again. It’s pure hate. It’s like an animal response. “I do not lie to my daughter,” she snaps. “We were together. Now, we’re not. I’d rather not talk about it.”
What does that mean? Did it end badly? Did he do something? “No, you’re right. I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to be sorry.” Mom nods, glances at me, and looks away. “Shall we watch another movie?”
There’s nothing else I can do. Not unless I’m willing to interrogate Mom after she watched a man die in front of her. I haven’t mentioned it, but I can still see the red in her hair as it dries. It must be blood.
I’ll need a narrative going forward. That’s what the library has taught me. People can tolerate almost anything if they can frame it in a story. So my story can either be I’m the woman who fell hard for her Mom’s ex, the crazy guy who kidnapped her and could never let him go. Or I’m the woman who had a fling. Things got steamy and confusing, and then I shrugged it off—no big deal.
I swallow. This is going to be tough.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Jamie
As I lead Demon toward the main entrance of my apartment—not the door to my private garage—I think about Lena leaving today. The idea of her not being close to me, even if she’s pissed, even if it’s confusing, drives me nuts. I need her there. Her womb, her soul, her future. Everything.