Total pages in book: 61
Estimated words: 58483 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 292(@200wpm)___ 234(@250wpm)___ 195(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 58483 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 292(@200wpm)___ 234(@250wpm)___ 195(@300wpm)
“Because of you,” I retort, not allowing him to finish, “I had to wait extra time, worrying about whether or not I would qualify for life here.” I stare at him accusingly. “Even after what I did on Fonquin. And with the serum. And with Marshan. Even after all of that, you let me go on thinking it wasn’t yet enough. Because of you, I allowed myself to think things… do things…” I shake my head, unable to even put my thoughts into words. What comes out next surprises even me. “I hate you.”
There is silence. Drayk’s expression is stunned.
I can’t bear my mixture of emotions. I turn to Lamira. “Is there somewhere else I can live?” My voice trembles. “Until I earn my own keep—a place I can stay?”
She nods, face somber. “Yes. There is a dorm building for unmated humans, and it’s quite comfortable. Of course we can find you a chamber there. But please, if you give Drayk a chance to explain—”
I shake my head. “He’s had three lunar cycles to explain. Time’s run out.”
I glare at Drake. “Please leave. I don’t want to see your face ever again. Or hear your lying voice.” I turn to Lamira. “He’s not worth my time. I respectfully request asylum, my queen.”
Drayk makes a sound, but then turns on his heel and leaves without another word.
Lamira puts her arms around me to soothe, patting my back, but after my explosive jag of crying, my eyes are now dry. It’s my heart inside that has cracked open, spilling out all of my hopes and emotions.
Chapter 19
Drayk
I don’t know how I make it back to my domicile. I see nothing on the way. I don’t even recall the trip. But the moment I press my palm on the door sensor and enter, my world splinters into a million pieces.
My place feels so empty. So wrong.
Taisha’s gone.
I knew this planet rotation would come, and yet I’m wholly unprepared for it.
This is what you wanted, I tell myself. How you planned it.
And it’s partly true. I intended to give her up after the three lunar cycles were over. I knew I could never mate her.
And yet I never meant to hurt her.
And stars, I have.
That alone makes me want to gouge my own eyes out with an eating utensil.
But even if she’d never found out what I did—that I advised against her asylum and asked for her to be placed with me on probation—even if all had gone according to my plan, it was wrong.
My plan vecking reeked.
Giving up Taisha was a mistake. An idiotic mistake. Believing my career was more important than her?
Stupid.
Believing the emotions she evoked in me were anything but a gift?
Asinine.
But it’s too late now.
I’ve hurt her and she won’t forgive me.
She said she hated me.
My chest constricts so tightly I can barely breathe.
She hates me.
Veck, this hurts.
I wish I’d never discovered emotion.
No, that’s a lie.
I don’t regret a single moment I spent with her.
The only thing I regret is vecking it up.
* * *
Taisha
Leylah would tell me to stop feeling sorry for myself. Things could be so much worse.
Why, then, does it feel like my heart’s been ripped out of my rib cage and beaten with a shovel?
I curl up on my cot in the dormitory and face the wall, tears dripping sideways down my face.
This is it. My new existence. I’m free. No longer a slave. Lamira assures me my asylum will be granted. And yet I can’t even breathe through the crushing weight on my chest.
The loss of my best friend on the planet.
My lover.
My master.
I called him that. He made me grovel. Made rules for me and punished me. All to satisfy some sick desire of his to keep me without mating me.
To use me and throw me out.
More hot tears course down my nose, across my temple, dripping into my ear.
I want to churn my anger around and around, but I keep tripping up.
I keep remembering the tenderness.
The panic on his face after the explosion. The way he held me tight to his chest. Made love to me.
But no—I can’t keep hoping he’ll change his mind and mate me. He had his chance.
He blew it.
It’s over now.
I’ll go on. Somehow, I’ll move on without him.
It’s definitely for the best.
Chapter 20
Taisha
Three planet rotations and I still don’t feel like leaving the dormitory.
I’m finally free, on a planet where humans are valued, and where my life has meaning. I’m no longer a slave, not to any being. I should be full of gratitude and plans for the future.
Why do I feel so empty?
I stare out my window of the dorm, not seeing the lush yellow trees swaying in the breeze, because all I see is his face.
Drayk.
And how it fell apart when I said I hated him.
My stomach recoils and I wince. Truth be told, I don’t hate him. After all this, I believe Leylah was wrong. Loving another being doesn’t make you a slave—it sets you free. The way I felt with Drayk—the closeness we shared—those were the best moments of my life.