Total pages in book: 59
Estimated words: 58487 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 292(@200wpm)___ 234(@250wpm)___ 195(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 58487 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 292(@200wpm)___ 234(@250wpm)___ 195(@300wpm)
Ryan opened his eyes and stared at her. Realizing that she wasn’t joking, he threw his head back and laughed. “What kind of question is that?”
Hannah smiled. “A hypothetical one. Just imagine James as a girl.”
“I don’t want Jamie to be a girl,” Ryan said.
“I’m not saying that. But humor me, please.”
Chuckling, Ryan did.
His eyebrows furrowed. The mere idea was…strange. He imagined Jamie with longer hair and softer facial features—not much softer, because Jamie was lovely for a bloke already. He imagined girl-Jamie in his lap, giving him those needy, shameless kisses, needing him, wet for him—
“This is ridiculous,” Ryan said with a short laugh, turning to the wall and staring at it. Fuck. What the fuck.
“You’re no fun,” Hannah said with a sigh.
If James were a girl, would he be your girlfriend?
Hannah’s question rang in his ears and the answer swirled in his head, confusing him more.
Because, inexplicably, the answer was yes.
“Why are you even asking?” Ryan managed, his mind racing.
Yawning, Hannah turned the lamp off and the room descended into darkness. “Sometimes I just wonder…” She yawned again. “Never mind. Good night, baby.”
“Good night.”
He closed his eyes and breathed through his gritted teeth, still aroused, incredulous and a little disgusted with himself. This was sick. The thought of his best mate with a vagina should have been funny, not a turn-on. Christ, Jamie was like a brother to him. Could the gender really change his perception of him so much? Or…was his attachment to Jamie less platonic than he’d always assumed it to be?
Ryan cut off that train of thought. No. He loved Jamie like a brother. He couldn’t even think about Jamie that way—it made him deeply uncomfortable. He was in love with Hannah. Yesterday’s incident had just messed with his head more than he’d expected, making him think strange thoughts and fixate on things he shouldn’t. It didn’t matter what he would have done if Jamie’s gender was different. Wondering about hypothetical “what ifs” was pointless. Jamie was male, and Ryan didn’t want him to be anything he wasn’t. He just wanted his friend to be happy.
No, he needed Jamie to be happy.
Because the truth was, no matter how much he loved Hannah, he didn’t know how to be happy if Jamie wasn’t.
A part of him resented it. A part of him was irritated by it.
But he couldn’t change it.
Hannah was his love, but she couldn’t fill that place in his heart that had been occupied ever since one pale, ridiculously posh boy had imprinted on him like a baby duck and started following him around.
Ryan smiled at the memory, a rush of affection tightening his throat.
“I won’t let you down,” he whispered into the darkness of the room. He’d find a solution. He would do his damnedest to fix everything.
By any means necessary.
Chapter 11
A week later, as he stood on the terrace of Zach’s house with a beer in his hand, Ryan wondered if there was a more fucked up man in the world.
The door behind him opened.
“You’ll catch a cold,” Hannah said. For a few seconds before she closed the door, he could hear the sounds of laughter and the voices of his family. It wasn’t any special occasion. Old habits just died hard. When Christmas was approaching, they all tended to gravitate toward Zach’s house. December was an unofficial family month in the Hardaway clan.
“I never do,” Ryan said before taking another sip. “But you should go inside. It is cold.”
Looping her arms around his neck, Hannah pulled him down and kissed him on the lips. “Don’t stay out here long, all right? You’ll freeze your balls off. That would be a shame. I’m rather fond of them.”
He chuckled and smacked her on the bottom lightly. “Go inside.”
Laughing, she left.
Ryan returned to sipping his beer and wondering what the hell was wrong with him.
The terrace door opened and closed again.
“You’ll catch a cold,” Jamie said.
Setting the bottle down, Ryan turned his head. He smiled. “I won’t if you come here and warm me up, Jamie bear.”
Jamie rolled his eyes, his nose scrunching up adorably, but walked over and let Ryan pull him into his arms. He was warm, so warm, and smelled amazing, like all of Ryan’s favorite things in the world. Ryan buried his nose in Jamie’s hair and said, “You should probably go inside. It really is cold out here.” He didn’t want Jamie to go.
“I’m good,” Jamie said, leaning back into Ryan’s chest for warmth.
Ryan rubbed his hands up and down Jamie’s arms, covered only by a soft cashmere pullover. “You sure you don’t want me to go grab your jacket?”
“I’m not cold, really,” Jamie said. “Why are you hiding from everyone?”
“I’m not hiding.”
Jamie didn’t say anything for a while.
When he spoke, his voice was quiet, “Are you freaking out because of what happened?”