Total pages in book: 59
Estimated words: 58487 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 292(@200wpm)___ 234(@250wpm)___ 195(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 58487 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 292(@200wpm)___ 234(@250wpm)___ 195(@300wpm)
He heard Ryan take a shaky breath before suddenly he had Ryan’s arm around him. Ryan’s nose pressed against his temple. “No,” Ryan said, anger and frustration clear in his voice. “No, Jamie.”
James closed his eyes, wondering why things couldn’t be simple. “Maybe it would be for the best,” he said around the lump in his throat. “Before we start hating each other.”
“No,” Ryan bit off, his breath hot on James’s cheek.
He shivered. “Ryan—”
“I said no.” The humor in Ryan’s voice couldn’t have been more forced as he said, “I’d hate to have to train a new best friend after wasting so many years on you.”
“Ryan—”
“No.” Ryan nuzzled his cheek, and when he spoke, there was nothing but raw honesty in his voice. “You do know I love you, right?”
James stared in front of him, unseeing. God, didn’t Ryan realize how much worse his words made him feel? It was like seeing a tantalizing glimpse of what-could-have-been if things had been just a little different if only Ryan had been even a little bi-curious. He knew Ryan was as attached to him as he was to Ryan. The only difference between them was their sexuality: while his attachment had shifted into a sexual, romantic one, Ryan’s remained platonic and brotherly—but it didn’t mean it was weaker or less.
“Ryan—” he tried, but his friend cut him off again.
“I love you, you prat,” Ryan said harshly, his stubble making Jamie shiver. “I won’t let this fuck us up. I’m not giving you up.” His arm tightened around Jamie’s shoulders. Ryan laughed shortly. “I don’t fucking know how to.” Ryan’s lips brushed his jaw and James heard himself make a small sound: a moan.
They both went still.
Fuck. How bloody mortifying.
“Is this turning you on?” Ryan said neutrally, as if he was talking about the weather.
James huffed out an awkward laugh. “I’m used to it. You have no concept of personal space. At this point, Spock would be jealous of my self-control.”
“Geek,” Ryan said, his voice brimming with affection. “You and your obscure science fiction references. Who even watches Star Trek anymore?” He kissed him on the jaw again.
James gritted his teeth. “You do realize that kissing my face isn’t a very straight thing to do?”
“Have I ever cared about bullshit like that?”
No, and that’s what got us into this predicament in the first place.
“Maybe you should,” James said tersely. “You’d better stop now if you don’t want to end up with my tongue in your mouth.”
“Been there, done that,” Ryan said with a chuckle. “Wait, did you pretend to be a bad kisser to get me kiss you? That was very devious of you.”
James punched him in the abs, but Ryan didn’t even flinch, grinning against his cheek. “You’re blushing, Jamie bear. You totally did, didn’t you?”
“I was drunk,” James said, looking down at his hands and trying to ignore Ryan’s maddening proximity. “My control was compromised.”
He half-expected Ryan to make fun of him for channeling Spock again, but he could feel Ryan’s grin disappear.
“You’ve always kept your guard up around me,” Ryan said without any inflection in his voice. “And I never noticed.”
James winced. “I had to. Or I’d be molesting you at every turn.”
Ryan was silent, his warm breath brushing James’s ear. God. When Ryan was so close, all he wanted was to crawl into Ryan’s lap, tear their clothes off and— Fuck, he must get a grip. He wasn’t drunk now. He had no excuse now.
“Jamie,” Ryan said. “I don’t give a shit. Molest me—I don’t fucking care. I’d take that over you being constantly on guard around me.”
A short laugh left James’s lips. “I appreciate the sentiment, but you have no idea what you’re talking about.”
It was Ryan’s turn to laugh. “No idea? Please. I’m not the one who’s kissed three people in my life.”
“You still don’t get it.”
“I do.”
With a frustrated sigh, James turned his head and slammed their lips together. It was meant to be a lesson for Ryan, but he wasn’t prepared for how much it would shake him. A broken, desperate moan tore out of his throat and he plunged his tongue into Ryan’s mouth, found Ryan’s tongue and sucked on it, greedy, hungry, so hungry. It felt like he’d been thirsty for centuries, for eons, and God, God— He whimpered, sucking Ryan’s tongue deeper into his mouth, shaking with want—literally shaking. When Ryan’s arms wrapped tightly around him, Jamie completely lost it, all but crawling into Ryan’s lap and rubbing against him like a horny cat. A small, distant part of him was horrified—Ryan must be disgusted—but he couldn’t stop. He needed this, needed him; he’d been starved for him for years and years and years. It hurt. It actually hurt, his balls aching and painful, his cock so stiff he couldn’t think straight, all the years of repressed desire finally out, like a dam broken, unleashed and unstoppable. A half-moan, half-sob of frustration broke from him as he willed himself to stop and breathe. He was shaking in Ryan’s arms, literally shaking, unable to calm down. He wanted. God, he wanted.