Total pages in book: 111
Estimated words: 104448 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 522(@200wpm)___ 418(@250wpm)___ 348(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 104448 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 522(@200wpm)___ 418(@250wpm)___ 348(@300wpm)
“If I catch him smoking pot around the stock—”
Silas caught my eye. “He’s vegan, for fuck’s sake. I don’t think he smokes.”
My friend had obviously forgotten about two of our friends at Yale who’d made smoking pot and plant-based eating their entire personalities.
Way nodded. “He’s a health nut with a college degree in education, and his references were pristine.”
That was reassuring, but it wasn’t why I’d come. I waved the topic of the new ranch hand away. “I need some help with Lellie during roundup.”
Silas kept his intense gaze on me while he mixed the ingredients in his mixing bowl. “Uh-huh. You going to tell us how you ended up with a kid?”
Way looked back and forth between us. “I think you should get the guys on the phone before you have this conversation.”
I shook my head. “I can’t handle Landry right now, and Zane’s busy with tour stuff.”
Silas shot his husband a look, and Way immediately dialed his phone before propping it up so we could all see the screen. Within moments, Kenji’s face appeared. “Silas, don’t forget you have a call with Bash and Rowe in the morning to go over quarterly earn— Oh.” He looked up and noticed me. “Hey, Dev. I’m scheduling a call with a family law specialist, but they’re going to want to get copies of any paperwork you have. I need to know what your goal is.”
It was his professional way of asking if I intended to pursue custody or not.
“I…” I began. “I can’t keep her, but I can’t let her grandparents have her either.”
Silas raised an eyebrow. “Your parents are pushing for custody? Did they know about her?”
I shook my head. “I mean Katie’s parents. They’re awful, and they’re challenging me for custody in Dallas. I just learned that they officially filed suit.”
As usual, Silas’s eyes were pinning me with the heat of a thousand suns, silently demanding explanations.
“I… helped out a friend a couple of years ago,” I began. “A friend I grew up with. Remember me telling you about Katie? I owed her a favor—a big one—and she called it in. She wanted to become a mom but didn’t want a relationship. I donated my sperm, but I made it clear I didn’t want to have anything to do with any baby that resulted. I… I didn’t even want to know if there was a baby. I asked Kenji to sort out some legal aspects, and I… I didn’t let myself think about it after that.”
“Until this week,” Silas prompted.
“Yeah.” I stopped and ran my fingers through my hair. Silas moved to the sink to wash the berry juice from his hands before coming over to stand near me while I continued.
“I guess Katie didn’t have anyone else, and she trusted me to choose the right alternative,” I said with a shrug. “Or… I don’t know. Maybe she thought I’d change my mind.”
Silas watched me for a long moment. “And have you?” he asked softly.
“No.” I rubbed my face with both hands. “You know I can’t. I’m a wreck, Silas! I can’t bring a child into whatever the fuck my life is. I can’t be trusted to keep her alive, and we all know it.”
“Bullshit,” Silas hissed. “If you’re talking about your brother, you can stop that right now. Matt’s death was his own fault, Dev, not yours. You didn’t tell him to speed. You didn’t tell him to drink before getting behind the wheel of that car. You didn’t—”
I threw up my hands. “I bought a half-million-dollar sports car for an irresponsible kid. Who does that?” The words were a direct quote from my mother, and whenever I said them aloud, I heard them in her voice, complete with the heartbroken little crack on the word does. It would never go away. Like my shame and guilt, her words lived just under my skin like invisible tattoos. “It was my fault for giving him the temptation.”
Kenji’s soft sigh came through the phone. Way’s eyebrows crinkled in concern. I could tell by his expression this situation wasn’t news to him, which meant Silas had informed him at some point about the story of my brother’s death.
“My point is,” I continued, trying to shake off the pity party, “I can’t take her. But I can’t let the Scotts have her either. They’re small-minded fearmongers who care more about status and their family reputation than they do about giving a child what she needs. I saw firsthand how they treated Katie, and I won’t let them do that to Lellie.” I took a deep breath. “I need to find a good family to raise her. Someone who wants a daughter and will take excellent care of her. Love her and…” My voice trailed off as emotions threatened to overwhelm me.
Silas’s arm slid around my shoulders as he pulled me into a hug. “You’d be an amazing dad. No one would love her as much as you would.”