Total pages in book: 153
Estimated words: 147021 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 735(@200wpm)___ 588(@250wpm)___ 490(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 147021 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 735(@200wpm)___ 588(@250wpm)___ 490(@300wpm)
I want to argue, to disagree, but I remember how hard it was to leave him when I was little. How excited I would be for every visit and how crushed I was when they were over. The doors slide open, and I step inside, grateful it’s empty because I’m on the verge of tears. “I know you tried, though.” I push the button for my floor.
“Giving up custody of you was the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life, Aurora. But I couldn’t bear to see you in pain every time you had to come home with me or leave another set of friends. I felt like I was breaking your heart all the time. Especially after your summers away. I kept taking you away from where you were happiest. It was the most painful thing I have ever done, but it was the right thing, for both of you. Roman could give you all the things I couldn’t. He could love you exactly how you needed to be loved. The sacrifice for him was letting me try for as long as he did. And I am so, so sorry that I couldn’t be the mom you needed then, but I hope that I can be the one you need now. I love you, my sweet girl. You are my most precious gift.”
“I love you. I don’t think I realized how much I needed to hear this.”
“You are such an old soul, sometimes I forget that you need the same reassurances as the rest of us.”
My dad is waiting outside my apartment when I step off the elevator. “Hi Dad,” my voice cracks with emotion.
“Talk to him. Be honest. I love you. I’m here when you need me.”
“Okay. I love you.”
“With all of my heart and more.”
I end the call.
“Zara?” Dad asks.
I nod, bottom lip already trembling.
He opens his arms.
I step into them. “I’m sorry I lied to you,” I mumble into his chest.
“I’m sorry I made it impossible for you to be honest with me.”
We stand there in the hallway for long minutes, me crying and him holding me. When I finally get control of my emotions I pull back.
“I can’t leave tomorrow morning without making sure you’re okay and having a conversation to make sure we’re okay,” he says. They have a two-game away series coming up.
“I might cry again,” I warn. But I don’t want him to get on a plane with this kind of tension between us either.
“I can handle tears better than silence,” he replies. He looks tired and worried. I did this to him. Upended his world. A bucket of shame isn’t big enough, maybe a lake would be better?
He pushes the elevator button and turns to face me. “How are you?”
“I’ve been better.” Might as well be honest since lying is what got us here in the first place.
“I could have handled things with more grace the other night,” he says as we take the elevator back to street level.
“You could have,” I agree. “But I’m also aware it was a shock.”
His expression is sad. “I just want to understand why you felt you had to lie.” The elevator doors open, and I follow him back into the warm spring afternoon.
“So many reasons.” I look up to the sky. “I was breaking the only rule you ever really enforced. And not with just any player, but with your best friend.”
His jaw tics, and darkness clouds his expression. “He should have come to me. It would have been the right thing to do.”
“But he didn’t. Because I asked him to wait.” And it took us months to even get on the same page. When we finally did, he put my wishes ahead of his own, because I told him that’s what I wanted. But all it took was my dad’s anger for Hollis to change his mind about me, about us.
He holds the diner door open for me. Our preferred table in the back corner is open, so we grab menus and slide into the booth.
“Just the two of you today?” Rainbow asks as she drops off coffee and waters.
I force a smile. “Just the two of us.” We’re back to how it used to be.
We order the usual, and she hustles off.
“But why did you ask him to wait?” Dad asks.
I hear the hurt. The still-present anger.
“Because I was afraid. I still am,” I admit.
“Of what? Why hide this from me for all these months?”
The bucket tips and the truth spills out. “What if you left me? What if I was too much? What if you hated me? What if all the sacrifices weren’t worth it and you should have left me with Mom?” I’m terrified that this could be the thing to break us. That everything I’ve tried to do to make his life easier will be erased with this one betrayal. “What if you resent me for taking your best friend away from you along with everything else?”