Total pages in book: 138
Estimated words: 129460 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 647(@200wpm)___ 518(@250wpm)___ 432(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 129460 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 647(@200wpm)___ 518(@250wpm)___ 432(@300wpm)
“Heidi…”
“What? It worked, didn’t it? He’s here.”
I roll off her with a groan. “He’s here stripping.”
“For you. No one else got a look in. I don’t think he even realized he was circled by over a hundred thirsty women.” Her expression softens before she murmurs, “His eyes never left you.”
“That’s how it always was when he performed.” I’m not boasting. I am being honest. “Then it changed.” I wrap my arms around my legs and balance my cheek on my knee. “He said he couldn’t see me when he looked at me. That he could only see my dad.” I mull over the bombardment of confusion smacking into me before muttering, “Do you think that’s what last night was about? Do you think he wanted to test who he sees?”
Heidi twists her lips before shrugging. “I honestly don’t know. You two confuse me.”
I laugh. “Confuse you? I confuse myself.”
She nods in agreement before rolling off my bed with a huff. “As much as I’d love to continue our chat, your dad said we have thirty minutes to get to church before he doubles the length of his sermon.”
I’m out of bed and racing to the attached bathroom before all my father’s threats can leave Heidi’s mouth.
“Don’t step on the cracks or you’ll break your mother’s back…” The last half of my rhythm lodges in my throat when my eyes lift from the cracked sidewalk to the path that leads to my family’s church.
Caleb is standing at my father’s side, looking dashing in black dress pants, a white shirt, and an aquamarine tie that makes his blue eyes appear a little greenish. His hands are shoved into the pockets of his trousers, no doubt to hide their shake that he’s butting shoulders with a man who scares him more than he will ever expose, and his pupils are massive, but I know his arrival today wasn’t a last-minute decision.
He has product in his hair, and he’s wearing a belt.
Two things he only does when his day is planned.
“We will meet you inside.”
I nod at my mother before removing the basket of goodies from her grasp so she can take my father’s hand in hers. Their entrance into the church slackens the panic flaring in Caleb’s eyes, but it does little to weaken the shake of my knees.
I appear nervous because I am.
I am also incredibly proud.
This is an even bigger move than the one he did last night.
It is beyond comprehension.
And I am so proud that he has finally reached the stage where he wants to heal.
“Jessie,” he murmurs, his voice pained when he spots the quickest blob of wetness gliding down my face before I can remove it. “I don’t want to hurt you. That isn’t why I’m here.”
“Then why are you here?”
His shield is still there, prominent in his eyes, but it is nowhere as blocking when he replies, “Because I care about you.”
“And?” I shouldn’t push, but I must. If I don’t, the three months we just endured could stretch to another tortuously painful three years.
It is the fight of my life not to smile when Caleb murmurs, “And you’re a pain in my ass.” But a new emotion takes hold when he adds, “But I can’t live without you. I can’t heal without you.” He steps closer, his eyes glistening in the early morning sun. “I can’t love without you, Jessie. I don’t know how.” Determination takes over some of the fear in his eyes when he admits, “But I can learn. I want to learn.”
He should have asked my father for guidance because some of his lessons can’t be untaught. “I can’t teach you how to love yourself, Caleb. Only you can do that.”
“I know.” He nods like the words are slowly sinking in. “But I need you to learn that too.”
“I already know…”
I stop talking when he shakes his head. “Not that I need to love myself, Jessie. That you need to love yourself as well.” Some of the cracks in my heart heal when he murmurs, “You need to learn that you deserve someone who will come into the shower and finish washing your hair even after you kicked them out. That you deserve someone who will feed you even after duping them out of a dozen cheeseburgers. You need to learn that you don’t have to let someone go so they can find themselves, especially when he has only ever been himself around you. And you need to learn that it is okay to let a man tell you that he loves you when he does.”
I don’t realize I’m shaking my head in denial of his claim he loves me until Caleb nods his.
“Yes, Jessie. You drive me crazy, and you scare the fucking shit out of me, but I love you.” He licks his lips before murmuring, “Now I just need to teach you how to love me back.”