Total pages in book: 75
Estimated words: 71701 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 359(@200wpm)___ 287(@250wpm)___ 239(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 71701 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 359(@200wpm)___ 287(@250wpm)___ 239(@300wpm)
“I lose control with you, Mercedes. Every time. I know it’s wrong, but I can’t fucking give you up. I just don’t know how to keep you.”
She turns to look up at me with wet eyes and sits up drawing her knees to her chest, gaze drifting away from me as her forehead creases. I try to brush her hair back from her face, but she pushes my hand away before shifting her gaze to me.
“You’re right,” she says, and something in the way she sounds makes my chest tighten. “I wouldn’t ever be happy with someone like Clifton Phillips. I know that. But I can’t do this anymore either. It’s too much, and I can’t.”
I open my mouth to answer but my phone rings. We both turn to look at it, and Mercedes’s breath catches when she sees it’s Santiago.
“Mercedes—” I start, but she shakes her head, grabs the phone, and answers it.
“Santi? Is the baby okay? Is Ivy?”
I hear the rumble of his voice, but I can’t make out the words.
Mercedes presses a fist to her mouth, tears suddenly pouring from her eyes. I take the phone from her.
“Santiago? What is it? What’s happened?”
“She woke up. Ivy woke up.”
19
Mercedes
“How are they?” I ask.
I hear shuffling on the other end of the line before Santi answers distractedly. “They are both doing well. Keeping me busy. Ivy’s rehabilitation is progressing, and she’s improving every day.”
“That’s so great to hear,” I tell him.
The silence on the other end of the line makes me think Santiago doesn’t believe me, and he never will.
“When can I come meet my niece?”
“I don’t know yet.” His tone takes on a hard edge.
I swallow, and it feels like there’s glass lodged in my throat. I get why he’s so protective of them. They’ve been through hell, and part of that is my fault. He’s making it clear it’s not a matter of choosing sides anymore. His loyalty lies with his wife and daughter, and they are his family now.
It fucking hurts, but I get it. Oddly enough, I get it more than he could probably understand at this moment, with a child of my own growing inside me. I will always choose this child above anyone or anything.
“Santi—” My voice fractures, and I try to hold it together. “I know things have been tense. I know I’ve been awful. And you probably won’t believe me when I tell you I regret it, but I do. I want to be a part of your lives. I want to come see you and Ivy, and I want to meet Elena.”
“Mercedes.” He sighs, shuffling the phone again as Elena cries in the background. “I don’t know yet.”
“Please,” I beg. “I need to see you. It’s important.”
I don’t tell him that I want to have a conversation with him about releasing me from Judge’s care because he’ll think that’s my only motivation, and that’s not true. I really do want to meet my niece.
“Let me think about it,” he says.
The crying gets louder, and I can just imagine him picking up his baby daughter, and my heart squeezes at the thought of it. Not only because I’m missing it, but because I never thought I’d see Santi as a father. I never thought I’d see him love the woman he once talked about killing in cold blood. Yet he is.
If I believed in hope, this might have given me some. Because if Santi can fall for his enemy, then surely, Judge can fall for someone he admits he can’t let go of. But I can’t go down that path again. Not now. Maybe not ever. Judge has proven over and over again that the only thing he’s capable of is breaking hearts. Regardless, what he wants doesn’t matter now. It can’t. Not with the decision I made when I failed to swallow what he thought was a mistake.
“Please let me know,” I whisper into the phone. “I really do want to come see her.”
“I’ll let you know,” Santi answers, distracted by his current situation. “I have to go.”
“Okay, I’ll speak to you soon then?”
“Yeah,” he says, and before I can draw another breath, he disconnects the call.
I sit on the bed, staring at the wall. Judge is gone, God knows where, but that would require him sharing his life with me. Since our spat, he’s been wavering between putting distance between us and then acting as if nothing ever happened when he comes to lie beside me at night. Sometimes, his determination wins, and other times, it fails him. When he reaches out to touch me on those nights it fails, I let him. I let him because as much as it hurts, I want it. I know I won’t be able to have it forever, so I take it while I can. I take it before our time is up indefinitely, and he’ll never want to touch me again.