Total pages in book: 115
Estimated words: 107763 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 539(@200wpm)___ 431(@250wpm)___ 359(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 107763 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 539(@200wpm)___ 431(@250wpm)___ 359(@300wpm)
“It matters not. I am alive, that is what matters,” I replied, my fingers intertwining with hers. It was in that moment that I remembered she had been here beside me since that day. She looked so tired; she had been through so much because of me. “I am so sorry you were left to deal with all of this alone. It must have been terribly frightening.”
“I want to lie and say I do not frighten easily, but I do not have the energy to,” she whispered. I could see that she looked unlike the free-spirited woman I had first met. I lifted my hand, placing it on her cheek.
“Then you and I will both need to recover ourselves.” I smiled. “We still have a wedding to host, remember?”
She frowned, and her eyebrows furrowed together. “There can be no wedding now.”
“What? Why? You do not—”
“Wilhelm…your father is dead,” she whispered slowly, looking me over. “You are mourning.”
I stared at her. For some reason, the concern and sorrow on her face made the words coming from her lips feel more real. The queen had said it three times, but only now did I feel it.
My father was dead.
I sat in silence, not sure what to do. Not sure what I was supposed to feel.
“Wilhelm?” She shifted closer, cupping my face as I had done hers. “Are you all right?”
“I hated him,” I whispered. I loathed him for years and had dreamt of the day he would no longer be alive. I wondered if he would regret his life one day. “I did not expect to be sad to hear of his passing.”
“Despite all his cruelty, he was your father. Being sad is normal.”
“But that is the thing: I am not sad, as I expected, but I am not happy either. I am nothing. I feel nothing. My father is dead, and I feel nothing. It is as if I have been told a bird somewhere has fallen from the sky. Is that not odd?”
“Papa says you can only mourn what you love or loathe.”
“I loathed, though.”
“You might have, at some point; maybe now, you do not. Or maybe you are in shock. Either way, whatever you feel, you are not wrong.”
This felt very similar to the day I fought Lukas at her estate. How she took my side, even when it was clear I did not deserve it—that I did not deserve her. Every time I looked upon her face, there was this pulling at my heart.
“Lie with me.” The words slipped from my lips before I could contain them.
Her eyes widened. “What?”
I could have pretended to have misspoken, but it was not a mistake. I wanted her to lie with me.
“I am tired. Will you rest beside me?”
She stared. I was almost sure she was going to mention her reputation, but, without another word, she shifted and lay down upon the pillow beside me, though she did not go under the sheets. She did not look at me, choosing to stare up at the canopy above. I lay back down, staring up as well.
“Will your mother like me?” she asked softly.
“I am not even sure if my mother likes me.”
“Hmm…then will your mother allow you to marry me, after your mourning?”
“I shall marry you no matter what. I am not mourning.”
“Wilhelm—”
“Hathor, do not worry about anything else. You’ve worried enough for me. It is I who am meant to take care of you.”
“We shall take care of each other.”
“You’ve done your part already. Leave me to handle anything else.”
She shifted onto her side now, looking at me. “Do not push yourself. You—”
I pinched her nose. “Do not be a worrywart; it ages you.”
Her face bunched up angrily. “Have you seen yourself lately? You’re nearly elderly-looking now. You should be grateful I still wish to marry you at all.”
I scoffed. “I am ill, have mercy.”
“No. That excuse only works for the king here.” She huffed, and I smiled. There she was: the woman I first met. I liked her most like this.
“When we are married, you must stop telling me no.”
She giggled. “That is a condition that cannot be met. I love the word no; it is rather freeing to say.”
“So, am I allowed to use it?”
“No.”
She and I teased each other until she drifted to sleep at my side, her body turned toward me. I wanted to bring her closer, but I did not have the strength.
“Enter,” I said gently when I heard a knock. When it opened, it was Sir Darrington, alone. His eyes shifted to Hathor, and then back to me.
“Shall I call to have someone take her to her room?”
“She is fine where she is,” I answered. He opened his mouth, then closed it suddenly. “Yes, I know there will be rumors if anyone sees us, but I am sure there already are. There is no point pretending now.”