Total pages in book: 112
Estimated words: 107667 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 538(@200wpm)___ 431(@250wpm)___ 359(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 107667 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 538(@200wpm)___ 431(@250wpm)___ 359(@300wpm)
I knew driving in by myself was a great idea, because when I don’t want to speak to Lindy and Josie, I don’t have to after a whole-ass night with them. I had no desire to interact with them when they approached Dart and me in the hotel, so I walked right away from them, heading for my car. I didn’t even turn on my phone because I knew the texts and calls would come one after another. From them and my parents. While I know there is a text I do want, I’m not willing to turn my phone on for it yet.
Not when I’m barely holding it together.
Instead, I turn on my favorite brokenhearted playlist, and I sob the whole way home.
The pain chokes me, and not in a good way. My tears feel like fire sliding down my face, and my chest aches in a way I’ve never experienced before. I knew. God, I knew that I was supposed to keep it at just the orgasms Dart could bring me. That I had to keep my feelings at bay and call what we did what it was—a one-night stand. But I failed, damn it. I failed.
I enjoyed his laugh, his teasing grin, and how he made me feel. Like I was worthy of being worshipped. He held me, he laughed with me, and he brought on the most unbelievable pleasure I’ve ever felt in my life. He thoroughly satisfied me and never stopped. It was as if he couldn’t get enough, and Lord knows I couldn’t. He had me begging for his touch, his lips, his quick grins. Him… Fucking him… I would beg for him over and over again. When he held me, I felt completely and totally safe, and when he looked into my eyes, truly into my eyes, I felt my soul burn for him.
It’s terrifying how deeply I feel, but surely it’s just lust.
Or, better yet, infatuation.
But then, why am I crying about a future I won’t ever have with him?
It just won’t work. He is not the kind of guy I can be in a long-distance relationship with. I could fall deeply, madly for him, and knowing I couldn’t touch him or feel him whenever I wanted because of the distance would shatter me to pieces. I’ve only known him a day, and my body craves him in a way I don’t understand. And I’m supposed to put space between us? I would get jealous, knowing he could have anyone he wants. Even if I felt like he saw only me. Even when we walked by Josie and Lindy, his eyes never left mine.
Yeah, I know the pain of missing him would be too great.
Hell, it’s too great now, and I don’t even know his last name.
What in the hell am I going to do?
Even though I told Dart I had family brunch, I decide to skip it when I arrive at my apartment. Once I’m upstairs, in my space that will no longer be mine in a couple weeks, I decide I don’t want to be around anyone. It means I need to call my mom and let her know, but I just don’t have it in me to do so.
My heart hurts.
I put my phone on the charger, but I still don’t turn it on. I lean on the counter, resting my head on my arm as I think about what Dart is doing. He’s probably already boarded the plane and landed. I wonder if he’s thinking of me and if he misses me…
Damn it, I can’t stand here and do this to myself.
I push myself off the counter, ignoring how deliciously spent I am and how badly I wish Dart were here, and I move through my apartment, picking up and trying to keep busy. Thankfully, I stopped crying when I got here, but when I look at my bare walls, a new round of tears starts. I’ve been in this apartment for two years, and seeing the emptiness, after experiencing last night, the realization that I’m leaving hits me hard. I push past my tears and start to pack all my textbooks and then my favorite recreational books that I haven’t even had time to read. I still buy them, no matter. Will I have time to read when I get to Virginia?
The company I work for will have me traveling all over to different colleges and professional sports teams to help with all different kinds of players’ goals. I don’t know if reading will happen when I’ll be knee-deep in scans, formulas, and making plans to help our clients improve from injury or to help them succeed in their sport. I’m excited to work with pitchers, because while I couldn’t pitch softball for shit, I still loved doing it, and I want to help the next great one out there.