Total pages in book: 139
Estimated words: 130380 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 652(@200wpm)___ 522(@250wpm)___ 435(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 130380 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 652(@200wpm)___ 522(@250wpm)___ 435(@300wpm)
“And then,” I said with a sigh, picking at my nails. “I woke up, and he wasn’t there, and I just… completely freaked out.”
“He wasn’t there?! What the fuck, that asshole!” Julep raged.
“Well, he was still there, but he wasn’t in bed. He’d had to get ready for practice,” I explained.
“Oh,” she said, and then was confused, which made sense because so was I.
“It’s just, I woke up and everything crashed down on me. I have been hardwired for years to hate this guy. I had the worst impression of him. But then, over the last couple of months, I’ve seen the other side, the side I once knew and…” I almost said loved, but grew quiet instead. “I’ve seen glimpses of the boy I knew before everything went to shit,” I landed on. “And… I don’t know. It made it hard to remember why I hated him, until he did something that reminded me, then I was on fire with anger and the desire to shove him off the roof.”
Giana snickered.
“I feel like a yo-yo stuck in an endless cycle,” I continued. “And then, to find out that all this time, I’d been punishing him, punishing myself for something that didn’t even really happen… at least, not the way I imagined. He didn’t know it was me that day he rejected me.” I paused. “But then again, it was still me. It doesn’t really matter if he didn’t know it was me, the girl he talked to online, does it? Because he took one look at me, the girl standing in front of him with a notebook full of sketches, and found me wanting.”
“So, is that what it’s about then?” Riley asked. “Are you still upset by what he did that day?”
“Yes,” I said, then immediately shook my head. “No. I don’t know. I guess that’s part of it.” I paused, thinking, trying to make sense of it all. “I guess I’m just… scared.”
“That he’ll hurt you?”
“Yes,” I admitted softly. “What if he lied and he did know it was me, but then he saw what I grew into and made me his conquest?”
“Leo wouldn’t do that,” Giana said earnestly.
“You don’t think so? Look at all the girls we’ve watched him relentlessly pursue, from cheerleaders to water girls. But does he ever end up with them?” I didn’t give them a chance to answer. “No. They fuck, and he moves on. I mean, you guys saw the article over the summer. The twenty-seven exes of Leo Hernandez.”
Giana looked like she wanted to say something, but bit her tongue.
“I don’t want to be the butt of another joke,” I told them, voice shaking. “I can’t be.”
The girls were quiet for a moment before Julep crawled over to where I sat on the floor. She wrapped me in a hug, resting her chin on my shoulder.
“It’s okay to be scared,” she told me.
“Thank you.”
“But it’s not okay to punish Leo for a crime he hasn’t even committed.”
I frowned as Julep pulled back to look at me.
“I get that he has some groveling to do to make up for the past, but it sounds to me like he’s all too eager to do that, if you let him.”
“It sounds to me like he’s crazy about you,” Giana added. “And that your brain is trying to freak you out by holding fast to what it believed about him for years instead of letting the reality of who he is now shine through.”
“But do people really change? Can I really trust that?” I asked.
“Have you changed since you were fifteen?” Riley asked. “I know I have.”
I swallowed, knowing she was right, that they all were, but my stomach was too sour to admit it.
“What if he hurts me again?” I whispered.
Giana crawled over to join me and Julep, sliding her hand into mine and squeezing it. “But what if he loves you?”
My eyes flooded with tears, and I searched her gaze for a second before a laugh burst from my chest. “Jesus, Giana. You really do read too much smut.”
“No such thing.”
Riley came over to join in the group hug. “Look, at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what we think. But, for what it’s worth, I think he deserves a chance. I know what it’s like to deny someone the opportunity to prove they’re good, that they’ve changed… and I regret that time I wasted with my heels dug in on my perceptions. Give him the chance to surprise you.”
I nodded, my chest still tight even as a breath of relief left it.
Because I wanted to give him a chance.
“Maybe I just needed to hear y’all say I’m not stupid for wanting to try, that I won’t get my heart shattered in the process,” I said.
“You might,” Julep replied, but her smile was one that said that wasn’t what she believed would happen. “If you do, we’ll be here to get you through it.”