Total pages in book: 71
Estimated words: 72196 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 361(@200wpm)___ 289(@250wpm)___ 241(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 72196 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 361(@200wpm)___ 289(@250wpm)___ 241(@300wpm)
Allora snorted. “I’m carrying around fifty pounds thirty years later. You have no worries.”
Baylor snorted. “You popped out eight kids. You look damn good for that.”
I agreed. Allora and Colder had six boys and two girls, all of which were over ten pounds each. She did damn good.
Travis passed by the window, ruffled Leida’s hair, and went to Reggie. She was sitting on the swing set, pumping her little legs to carry her higher and higher.
Then my heart leapt into my throat as she launched herself out of the swing.
Travis caught her, but that didn’t make my heart feel any better.
“Jesus Christ,” I muttered, looking away from Reggie, who was laughing hysterically and already running back toward the swing set. My best guess, to do it again.
But by averting my eyes, I inadvertently dropped them down to Alex, who was watching her father with such a look of longing that it made me freeze.
The others around us, however, continued talking about a football game that was coming on in an hour, and didn’t see the devastated little girl.
I sure did, though.
And when Baylor walked outside with a now awake TJ and offered him to Travis so he could capture Leida and swing her up into his arms, I didn’t miss the look Alex gave Travis’ back, again.
It was one of anger, resentment, and calculation.
***
Seven hours later, at two in the morning, I heard a soft thump.
My brows furrowing, I got up, thinking that it’d been a little bit longer than TJ normally went between feedings, and started down the hall to TJ’s room.
I’d just pushed the door open when I saw a form standing over TJ’s bed.
I flipped on the lights and saw Alex, standing on a chair, glaring down at TJ.
The moment the light flicked on, Alex turned and I saw the hatred there.
“Alex, what are you doing?”
She looked so much like her mother that it kind of sickened me a little.
Not that I’d ever admit as much. Travis didn’t need to hear or know my inner musings.
“I hate him.”
I blinked.
“Alex…”
“I hate you, too.”
That I knew.
“I wish you would die.”
My jaw worked. “But he’s a baby, and I don’t wish he would die. I wish he weren’t born, though. Every single day.”
I walked further into the room and closed the door behind me, then walked up to the chair that I used to rock TJ while I nursed him in the middle of the night.
“Alex,” I paused, looking at her. “I know you don’t like me.”
Her eye twitched.
“But what I don’t understand is why you would hate a baby. He’s done nothing to you. But if you gave him a chance, you might actually like him.”
“He’s the reason that my mommy and daddy will never be back together.”
There were so many things wrong with that statement that I didn’t know where to begin.
“Your mommy and daddy were divorced for an entire two years before TJ came into the picture, baby,” I told her softly. “They were never going to get back together.”
Her eyes flared with anger.
“My mommy told me that they were, and that if you weren’t there telling Daddy you would hurt me, that he would be with her right now.”
Oh, God.
That woman.
That fucking woman.
What a bitch!
“Alex, sweetheart.” I leaned forward. “I would never, ever do that.”
She tossed me an unbelieving glare and climbed down from the stool.
Of course, when she did, she accidentally knocked it against the bed, causing TJ to wake up.
Knowing the moment that his eyes opened that he’d need to eat, I went ahead and picked him up, changed him, and used the time with my back to the little girl to plan out what I was going to say next.
I didn’t say another word until I was in the chair and feeding him.
She just watched me with narrowed eyes, her smart little brain taking in everything at once.
“My mommy says that is disgusting. We saw you doing it at your job the other day, and Mommy said that she was very offended by watching you.”
Well, then.
“Your mommy had the option to feed you like that, but chose not to. Every woman gets the same choice. Some choose to, and some choose not to,” I told her.
Why I’d taken the time to explain it all to her, I didn’t know.
She was likely too young to comprehend what that meant, but I didn’t bother pausing as I explained.
“Breasts are made to nourish a child,” I explained as I rocked. “Not all women breastfeed, but a lot do. I do. Not because I’m all gung ho on breastfeeding, but because it’s cheaper.”
That was really the reason.
I hated the idea of spending forty dollars on a can of formula. If I could save money by feeding him like nature intended for him to be fed, then that’s what I would do.