Total pages in book: 101
Estimated words: 97417 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 487(@200wpm)___ 390(@250wpm)___ 325(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 97417 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 487(@200wpm)___ 390(@250wpm)___ 325(@300wpm)
Say it.
“I...I’m curious.”
The disappointment took Ansel by surprise. The glow that had bloomed in his heart during that wink of time dimmed. He blinked and consciously restarted his heart, his lungs, his mind, until he could focus again and analyze what he was truly feeling. Hope?
Hope for their future. For his life.
And he was finally seeing the truth.
He wanted to be loved.
He wanted to love. To love with all his heart, to love Fitch unconditionally.
So instead of being disappointed, he took a deep breath. He brought the plug down hard into his other palm so the slap sounded in the silence of the room. Fitch looked down, eyes caught on the toy as Ansel stroked it.
“I can work with curiosity,” Ansel said. The cannonballs were still exploding inside when he tossed the black length to the bed and pulled off his shrug.
Yes, he loved to top. It was a treat he rarely enjoyed and Fitch wanted to give it to him. The importance of such a gift wasn’t lost on him. This was why his nerves rattled so much his hands were shaking.
But beneath the anxiousness, there was a throbbing ball of excitement. Because, holy fuck, he was about to make love to Fitch in a way his Grumpy Bear had never done with anyone else before.
He’d be the first.
As he pulled off his cami, letting his loose hair and tie fall haphazardly around his face, he finally admitted what he’d been running from for weeks.
He wanted to be the only one.
He wanted to be Fitch’s, forever.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Fitch couldn’t see anything but the black toy against the black blanket. Out of the corner of his eyes he knew Ansel was already half naked. His lover’s words made a vague impression, but he was stuck. Pinned, by regret and fear and a hunger he couldn’t deny.
He’d avoided saying it, again. What was his problem?
His chest felt too tight, like a thousand rubber bands had wrapped around him. Fuck, he’d seen the expectation in Ansel’s face too. Known his lover was waiting, maybe even hoping, but he had chickened out.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Why couldn’t he get it out? What was holding him back? Was it just the fear of pushing too hard or was it some kind of perverted self-preservation? He didn’t know and didn’t have time to analyze now, because Ansel was getting naked.
They were about to fuck.
Anxiety slithered through him when he considered what was about to happen. He’d thought he was prepared. He’d used the butt plug enough over the past few days to feel comfortable about it. He’d studied articles online. He’d even signed in to an anonymous chatroom to ask questions. He’d bought the right supplies and made sure he was super clean before dinner. But Christ, he’d been fooling himself. The reality of knowing he was about to have a dick in his ass was so much more terrifying than he’d imagined, even while his cock filled and ached within the tight confines of his jeans.
He struggled to take in air. Every inhale was short and bitter. Just when he was sure he was going to ruin the night by passing out, Ansel’s palm cupped his cheek.
“Hey. Are you sure? Because you’re looking a little green.”
Fitch blinked until the eyes he loved so much came into focus and suddenly he could breathe again. The warmth of Ansel’s touch gave him another connection to hold on to, so he did. He covered Ansel’s hand with his own and kissed his wrist.
“Yeah, sorry.”
“I mean, I know my cock is pretty fucking scary, but you’re a big guy, I’m sure you can handle my massive penis.”
Fitch laughed and pulled Ansel in for a hug. “You got me. I’m shaking in my boots because I’ve seen the anaconda in your pants.”
Ansel snuggled closer, burrowing until Fitch felt the hard beat of his heart on his own chest. Knowing his dancer was just as anxious calmed him a little. He tucked his fingers into the waistband of Ansel’s loosened pants, teasing the top of his ass.
I love you.
His lips might not be ready to say it aloud yet, but his heart was.
“Don’t worry, Grumpy Bear, I’ll take it easy on you.” With those words, Ansel grabbed his ass and both of their cocks twitched.
“I trust you,” Fitch said.
After a deep breath, Ansel pulled away and look into his eyes. “Thank you.”
Ansel started unbuttoning Fitch’s shirt, one button at a time. He pushed the fabric off until Fitch was naked from the waist up. With a sexy little hum, Ansel combed his fingers through his chest hair, tugging gently.
“I love your hairy chest,” Ansel said.
Something about the way he put extra emphasis on love caught Fitch’s heart.
Ansel pressed a kiss there, then swirled his tongue over the nipple just beneath until it tightened.
“Are you going to torture me all night?”