Total pages in book: 133
Estimated words: 125866 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 629(@200wpm)___ 503(@250wpm)___ 420(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 125866 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 629(@200wpm)___ 503(@250wpm)___ 420(@300wpm)
Because while I did feel a tinge of worry, a bit of uncertainty, and a dash of holy fuck, oh shit…
What I felt most was pure, undulating excitement.
Oh, God.
Am I pregnant?
The short five-minute drive to get a test felt like the longest journey of my life.
I couldn’t wait to find out.
Kyle
“So, your job is to catch the ball,” Sebastian said as he tried to follow my explanation, his tiny hands kneading the dough for his own personal pan pizza.
“That’s part of it. Think about Titan,” I said. “One part of your job is to feed him, right?”
Sebastian nodded, his little tongue sticking out as he stretched the dough.
“What else do you have to do to make sure he’s cared for?”
“I gotta clean his aquarium,” he said, and I smiled a little at how the r in that word sounded a bit like a w.
“Mm-hmm. What else?”
“I gotta make sure he’s warm enough. Like his lamps and heating pads.”
“You sure do. So, the same way there are a lot of jobs for you to take care of Titan, that’s how it is for me on the field. I’ve got to catch the ball, but I also have to keep it safe while I run with it to make sure the other team doesn’t steal it.”
“That’s illegal!”
I chuckled, helping him stretch out his dough a bit before we started adding toppings. I was working on mine and Madelyn’s both, and I was ready to make sure hers had lots of pineapple — because she was weird like that.
“It’s actually allowed in football,” I explained. “There are rules, of course, but if they were to knock the ball out of my hands while I’m running and get it for themselves, then it would be their team’s chance to score.”
“How do you score?”
I explained that next, along with the many, many jobs I had on the field. By the time we were sitting down to eat the pizzas we’d made, Sebastian was throwing questions at me faster than I could bat the answers back. He was excited, bouncing in his chair with wide eyes the more he understood, and when I took him down the hallway to get ready for bed, he begged me to watch a game with him sometime that week so I could teach him more.
He begged me to let him come to my game.
I swallowed, nodding toward the sink for him to brush his teeth. “We’ll see. It’s a big stadium with a lot of people. We’ll have to talk to Mommy about it.”
Sebastian nodded, brushing away before he took a moment to spit. “Yeah. Mommy doesn’t really like people.” He shrugged. “’Cept you, of course.”
“And you,” I added, digging my fingers into his ribs.
He giggled and wiggled away, and once he’d finished brushing his teeth, he changed into his pajamas and crawled into bed.
His room was stacked high with boxes just like the rest of the house, and movers were coming in just two days. He’d been such a champ about the news of a new house and a new school. That was just the kind of kid he was. Anything new, anything different excited him.
I hoped he held onto that forever.
I read him one of his new books — a space book that I actually found interesting even though it was written for a first grader.
Soon-to-be second grader, Sebastian would often remind me.
He still seemed wired when we finished the book, but he said goodnight and I tucked him in before leaving him to sleep.
When I shut his door behind me, I stood on the other side of it for a long moment, a smile curling on my lips and a sigh leaving my chest. I was exhausted. He was full of energy and taking care of him felt like a full-time job.
And yet, I’d never felt joy like this.
I’d never felt so excited about anything in my life like I did explaining football to that kid. Even my best touchdowns didn’t compare to the way it felt to watch his eyes light up when he finally understood something. I’d never felt love like the kind that burst from my chest when he hugged me, or when he kissed Madelyn’s cheek and beamed up at her like she hung the moon.
Seeing the world through his eyes was like being reborn myself.
God, all I wanted was to keep him safe.
I wanted him to grow up nurtured and supported. I wanted him to be able to explore and try and fail and try again. I wanted him to know he was loved and safe.
I wanted to keep him far away from his father.
I didn’t know if that made me a prick or not, but I didn’t care. Marshall had the same evil in him that my father had. I didn’t give a rat’s ass if he saved kittens and helped cows give birth — he’d laid his hands on Madelyn.