Total pages in book: 80
Estimated words: 76334 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 382(@200wpm)___ 305(@250wpm)___ 254(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 76334 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 382(@200wpm)___ 305(@250wpm)___ 254(@300wpm)
Garrett had gotten all twisted up over Ramsey a while back when they were first seeing each other, and I’d started to confide in him about Cullen back then but didn’t share any details about him or the depth of our relationship, situationship, whatever it had been, still not wanting to out Cullen, even to my own brother.
“Yeah, thank fuck you had your head way too far up Rams’s ass back then,” I said, trying to lighten the mood.
“It was my dick, actually, but yeah.” Garrett chuckled as I cringed. “TMI? Good. You deserve it.”
“I’m surprised you even know the letters.”
“Hold up a second,” Ramsey cut in. “So you and Cullen hooked up at Southern U?”
“It wasn’t supposed to be serious.” Wasn’t that how it always started, though? Garrett and Ramsey cracked up in scary unison, their loud guffaws filling the room despite my stern stare. “Thanks for reminding me yet again that it’s possible to both love and hate people at the same time.” I flipped them off. “We snuck around through junior and senior year, yeah. It was stressful as hell.” And exhilarating and hot. And ultimately heartbreaking, which I deserved.
“So what happened? It obviously ended at some point. Or did it?” Ramsey cocked a brow.
“It ended.” I reached for the beer Garrett had offered me when I’d arrived and took a swallow. “What were we gonna do? We both knew the odds of us ending up on the same pro team were slim. Even if we tried to do the distance thing, how would that work? We’d have been easy to out, and shit, things weren’t like they are now back then. No one playing professional football was out. No one. We talked about it. We talked about it all the fucking time…” I trailed off. I still got a sinking feeling thinking about those conversations. They’d been tough ones, made even tougher by the fact that we were usually lying in each other’s arms while having them. People could say love conquers all, but sometimes it just couldn’t. Sometimes there were too many obstacles in the way.
“Yeah, that’s true.” Their expressions sobered, Garrett’s brow knitting with sympathy as his gaze turned probing. “Sucks, though, if you really liked each other.”
“We did.” I’d never doubted it, even though we’d never said we loved each other, both too scared, I suppose, to admit it to each other, much less ourselves. He was the first guy I’d ever been with and vice versa. We’d been fumbling idiots in a lot of ways, and it was easier now to look back on all of that, especially considering my current predicament, and tell myself we’d just been dumb kids hooking up, but I wasn’t sure I’d ever fully believe it deep down, despite how cool I tried to play it.
“So you just high-fived and parted ways?”
“Not exactly.”
“He bailed, didn’t he?” Ramsey frowned, and I could see his mind working, potential distaste for Cullen building. I didn’t want that; Cullen didn’t deserve it.
I shook my head and confessed the words I’d never said aloud before. “It was me. I was the asshole. Cullen would’ve said, ‘Fuck it, let’s try.’ His idea was that we’d get our pro team assignments, play it safe for a while, and then out ourselves and try like hell to make it work. I said no.” Garrett’s jaw dropped, but my attention had shifted to Ramsey. I inclined my chin toward him. “I was worried, like you were initially, that our sexuality would overshadow our careers. We’d be known as the gay players. Joke’s on me, I guess. Now I’m the guy whose leg folded in the wrong direction on national TV.” I shook my head. “We had a discussion about it. Argument, I guess. Then agreed it’d be best to end things. Then, of course, my dumb ass had second thoughts. I went to go tell him, and he was already with someone else.” The memory of sharing an elevator with a woman wearing Cullen’s hoodie and smelling of him still stung. Which was exactly why telling myself we’d just been dumb kids hooking up was handy.
“Seriously? Dick move.”
Garrett held a hand up. “That’s not a dick move, Rams. They were over. It’s not exactly fair to be pissed at Cullen for moving on. Not gonna lie and say I didn’t do that a few times myself. Easier to get over someone if you get under someone else.”
Ramsey scowled at Garrett. “You’d better not ever do that with me.”
“Then we should never break up. Problem solved.” Garrett smirked, then twisted away from the shoulder punch Ramsey aimed in his direction. “I’m kidding, you idiot. I’m ruined for any other human ever by your magic dick.” He turned back to me. “You could have still told Cullen how you felt, though.”