Total pages in book: 767
Estimated words: 732023 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 3660(@200wpm)___ 2928(@250wpm)___ 2440(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 732023 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 3660(@200wpm)___ 2928(@250wpm)___ 2440(@300wpm)
“I know the spanking hurt. You have to trust me.”
“Lord, preserve me…” Alena pantomimed strangling him, then took a deep breath. “You literally just said I shouldn’t trust you. That’s the implied threat I was talking about. But now I should trust you?”
“I…” Alexander unfolded his arms, shoulders sagging. “There’s a reason I prefer silence.”
“Which is it? Can I trust you? Or should I walk away?”
“Both.” Alexander ran a hand through his hair, then scrubbed his palm across his face.
She waited for him to say something, but after a painfully long minute he walked to the kitchen and braced his hands on the countertop, his head hanging low.
Alena’s heart clenched. She couldn’t hold on to her outrage. She walked over, silent on her bare feet. He tensed when she slid her arms around his waist from behind, but relaxed when she lay her cheek on his back.
She’d never forgotten something a fellow sub, one who was married to her Dom, had said back when she’d been new to the lifestyle.
They need us to be soft because they’re hard. Everything the world has done to them...all the scars, they put up walls and only our softness, the trust we give them can let them know it’s okay to come out of that prison.
Alena had thought the other sub was full of shit at the time. She hadn’t been able to hear the truth of those words, because she had her own scars, her own walls.
Now she was older and wiser. She knew her mental health was far from perfect, and her moral compass no longer functioning, but she had coping mechanisms. She’d found a way to live with her scars, put windows in her walls.
She didn’t think Alexander could say the same.
Alena closed her eyes and hugged him tighter. He was at war…with himself. He needed her, if only for this one brief moment.
Alena lifted her cheek and kissed his back. She wished he’d undressed so she could press her lips against bare flesh.
She hadn’t yet seen him naked. It was one of the things she was hoping would change tonight.
But before they could do anything, she had to help him find his way out of the prison within his mind.
“When I pull away, what do you feel?” she asked softly.
The silence was long, but less painful than before because now she had her arms around him.
“I feel like a monster,” he finally said.
“You’re not a monster.”
“Deep down, I am.” Alexander straightened, then turned within the circle of her arms. “That’s why you shouldn’t trust me.”
“Because your monster might emerge?” Alena wiggled her eyebrows and pressed her pelvis against his, hoping humor would work.
Alexander snorted out a laugh, and his furrowed brow smoothed out.
Success!
She waited, giving him time to answer her question, but he didn’t say anything.
“Hey, sugar, talk to me. Please.”
“I started classifying subs, as a way to make sure I never partnered with someone who would tempt the darkest parts of me.”
“And subs like me bring out the dark?”
“Yes.”
“You were going to tell me what your other classifications were.”
“I was…” He slid his arms around her in a mirroring of how she was holding him. “A brat is looking for an excuse to be spanked so they can cry. They are looking for an outlet for their emotions.”
Alexander was staring into middle distance. Alena rested her head on his shoulder and listened both to his words and the faint thump thump of his heart.
“A lazy sub is focused more on kink and sexual pleasure than being a sub. They want to be strapped down and played with until they come. The more toys, the better.”
Alena held him and listened, glad he was talking again.
“Then there’s the abuse-fantasy subs. They want to be abused, but safely. They like humiliation, being used as an object.”
Alena was glad he couldn’t see her face when he said “humiliation.”
“Then there’s the CEO sub. She’s tired of being in charge. Tired of making decisions.”
“Why aren’t I a CEO sub?” Alena asked, adding a little outrage to her tone.
Alexander turned his head, bringing his lips within millimeters of her forehead. She wanted him to kiss her.
“Because you don’t need to be helpless. Powerless.” He frowned. “I’m not sure I’m explaining it correctly. These classifications are probably overly simplistic. I’ve never told anyone else about them.”
Alena rubbed the line between his eyebrows. He jerked, looking down at her as her hand shifted to cup his cheek.
“If I used my safeword, would you respect it?” she asked softly.
“Yes.”
“And if you gag me, will you give me a physical safeword sign?”
“Of course.”
“Then I trust you.” Alena grabbed his hips, then slowly slid down the front of his body until she was once more on her knees.
“I trust you, Sir.”
* * *
He bound her wrists using simple metal handcuffs, then forced her hands behind her head, locking the chain between the handcuffs to a D-ring on the back of the collar.