Total pages in book: 161
Estimated words: 149338 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 747(@200wpm)___ 597(@250wpm)___ 498(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 149338 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 747(@200wpm)___ 597(@250wpm)___ 498(@300wpm)
He didn’t.
Thank God for small miracles, except now I hated being touched, even when dancing, I couldn’t stand the feel of people’s hands on me. Stemming from my mom dying with her arms wrapped around me, to my piece of shit stepdad touching me, pretending I was her.
It didn’t matter. I didn’t need anyone. All I needed was ballet and myself.
I took one last look in the mirror, trying to see what he talked about. Looking for my mother through the reflection, staring back at me. I never saw her. The image of her dead body was engrained in my mind, too engaged in my soul, too attached in my heart.
I shook off the thoughts, turning off the light before I walked into my bedroom. It was then that I saw it. A torn out piece of paper from my notebook, placed on my pillow.
I sat down on the edge of my bed, running my fingers over my stepdads handwriting. Hesitating to read what he had to say.
Lexi,
I want you to know I’m sorry. I can’t begin to tell you how sorry I am for everything I have ever done to you. I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to cause you any pain or distress. I’m sick, Lexi. I’m a very sick, fucked up man, and I can’t stop hurting you. No matter how many times I tell my mind it’s wrong, it doesn’t listen. It’s like an addiction. And because I can’t stop, I have decided that I’m leaving. I can feel myself about to cross a line that even someone like me knows is sick. I don’t deserve your forgiveness. I don’t expect it either. I left some money on the kitchen counter that should get you by for a little while. Please have peace of mind that you won’t ever see me again.
I promise.
I read the letter until I had it memorized word for word. Staring at it for, I don’t know how long, thinking it was a joke. Waiting for him to walk through the front door. He would come home. He would keep hurting me. This wasn’t truly over.
For some reason I started crying. Tears streamed down my face onto the paper that held his final goodbye. For the first time since my mother left me with this monster.
I could finally breathe again.
I was relieved.
Even though…
I was alone.
She ran. She ran as if her life depended on it, not being able to get away fast enough. Reacting exactly how I expected her to. I let her go, giving her the space I’m sure she needed to wrap her head around what she just saw. At least now, I felt that she’d have peace in her soul. Knowing she wasn’t responsible for the death of her parents. I wanted to be her savior, not the monster that haunted her dreams every night since she was six.
“Clean up this fucking mess,” I ordered, leaving my men to it. My bodyguard followed close behind. “Stay,” I ordered him as I stepped into the elevator.
“Boss—” I hit the button to the rooftop, letting the doors close in his face.
As soon as they were shut, I let out a long breath from deep within my soul. Leaning my head against the wall, ascending toward heaven.
The irony was not lost on me.
I made my way toward the edge of the roof, looking out over Manhattan. My hands placed in the pockets of my slacks, not giving a fuck that they were still blood covered. Enjoying how it felt to be by myself, no protection around me. Standing at the top of the building.
Vulnerable.
Exposed.
Alone.
Taking in the high-rise buildings, the night air, the dark sky, the lights illuminating the streets, and the cars driving in the distance. I took in every last detail, trying to come down from the high from killing someone always gave me. Trying to ignore my plaguing conscious, which was trying to reprimand me for what I just did in front of my niece.
Amari’s daughter.
I knew she was probably rolling over in her grave right now, so disappointed in me, and my actions.
My decisions.
My choices.
My indiscretions.
I couldn’t help but think how many times my sister had been disheartened since I gained custody of Daisy.
Did she regret leaving her in my care?
I could see Amari standing in front of me, shaking her head with tears streaming down her face. Staring at the monster, the spitting image of our father glaring back at her.
I didn’t know the difference between good versus evil anymore. It all blended together, forming a clusterfuck of God knows what. For the first time in as long as I could remember, I struggled with my decision. Not knowing if I had done the right thing in this situation. Or if I just condemned Daisy even more. Regret started creeping in slowly.