Total pages in book: 85
Estimated words: 80651 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 403(@200wpm)___ 323(@250wpm)___ 269(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 80651 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 403(@200wpm)___ 323(@250wpm)___ 269(@300wpm)
“No,” I said, “There’s no record of anything happening between you and me.”
“Exactly,” she said. “Because nothing happened.” There was a tinge of disappointment in her voice that made my insides ache. She knew how good Saturday had been—how could she not? She wanted it to happen again as much as I did. It was just impossible given the circumstances.
“Nothing at all,” I said, holding her gaze, unable to look away. “It’s like this flat doesn’t even exist.” I stepped toward her—after all, I was heading to the door. It wasn’t like I wanted to get closer to her—close enough to touch, kiss, fuck. We were so close that I could almost taste her hot, sweet scent, feel her breath curl over my skin. “If it doesn’t exist, I’m not . . .” I paused, took in her expression to make sure I wasn’t overstepping because we’d just spent the last however-long saying how Saturday night was a huge mistake. Now here I was, about to be happy to make the exact same mistake again. But I could hear it in her short breaths and see it in her slightly parted lips, she wanted this just as much as I did. I moved closer, dug my hand into the back of her hair, and licked her bottom lip, side to side like she was tequila, salt, and lime all mixed into one. She groaned and slipped her leg between mine. I was instantly hard. I dove my tongue into her mouth, desperate to taste her, possess her, wanting to understand if how good it was on Saturday was about the booze and the darkness or whether it was about her and me. Now we were both sober, and unlike my self-control, the daylight was still hanging on.
Whatever I’d felt with Sutton wasn’t fueled by booze. If anything, she tasted better now—sweeter than before. Her tongue met mine as her hands smoothed up my chest and around my neck. Fuck. I wanted to pin her to the door and strip her naked. Every nerve ending in my body was on a code red and I could practically feel the adrenaline marching into my bloodstream. I pushed my hips against her, forcing her back, and reached for the hem of her t-shirt. I wanted more of her, needed to feel my flesh against hers.
Just as I found the bottom of her shirt, she pushed against my shoulders with both hands. “Stop,” she called out breathlessly. “Just stop.”
I took a couple of steps back. It was like I escaped an undertow and had managed to come up for air.
“Shit,” I said, pressing the heels of my hands into my eyes. “What the fuck is happening to me?”
“You should leave,” she said. “I can’t . . . I don’t know what it is you have going on with you and what kind of witchcraft you’re messing with, but I can’t be around it.”
At least it wasn’t just me who felt it. I wasn’t sure if it was witchcraft, chemistry, or if she was a magnet and I was every piece of iron that ever existed.
“You need to stay away from me,” she said.
I nodded. She was right. I did need to stay away. Far away. The closer I was, the more I had to fight against her pull.
“This didn’t happen,” I said.
“My flat doesn’t exist,” she said. “We don’t know each other.”
I nodded. “Agreed.” She opened the front door and I stepped out into the hallway.
“For the record, I wish it wasn’t like this,” I said.
“For the record, me too.” She shut the door behind me. I stayed rooted to the spot as she turned the locks, slid the chain back on, and bolted me out.
I knew leaving was the right thing to do. For both of us. But at that moment, I just wanted one more night. I’d even take an hour. I headed back up the stairs to the pavement, fighting the urge to go back for one more kiss. I’d won the battle, but it didn’t feel like a victory. Something told me it wouldn’t be the last internal struggle I’d had over Sutton. Despite my intellectual grasp of the situation and how impossible anything more between us was, my gut told me we weren’t done. Our connection remained and wouldn’t be easily extinguished. I shook my head. It was just lust talking, right?
It didn’t mean anything. I just wanted what I couldn’t have.
Maybe.
Whether this draw I had to Sutton was real or imagined, it didn’t matter. We both knew we had to keep away from each other. For good.
Like day and night, we were inextricably linked, but couldn’t exist together.
Ten
Jacob
For the first time in a long time, my day started at five so I could make it to the Heath to swim in the men’s bathing pond. It was what I’d needed to reset my brain and drain my mind of thoughts of Sutton. The cold from the fresh water had done its job and a healthy dose of oxytocin had funneled into my bloodstream. My vagus nerve was up and dancing. This morning I’d been firing on all cylinders as a result.