Total pages in book: 67
Estimated words: 67263 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 336(@200wpm)___ 269(@250wpm)___ 224(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 67263 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 336(@200wpm)___ 269(@250wpm)___ 224(@300wpm)
“Is this it?” I whispered to God. “Is this how my life will end?”
Lightning flashed above us.
Boris and Jean-Pierre must have thought I was crazy, babbling to the air. I would have thought the same, but it was a matter of life and death. I didn’t care how crazy I must have looked to them. They knew what was at stake. They had to understand.
Thunder rumbled overhead.
“What was it, God?” The mud wall chilled against my back. I might as well have been leaning against a layer of ice cubes. “What was the one thing that put me here?”
Horrid shivers ran through me.
An old memory played out in my head.
Em and I sat on the roof of our building with our legs crossed under us. We were both barely nine years old. She’d been missing all morning. The whole building had been looking for her, but I climbed the stairs all the way to the maintenance door for the roof, knowing she would be there.
I held her hand. “We should tell them that you’re here—”
“They’ll just beat me for being gone for so long.” She shivered against me and then pointed at the stash behind her. She had two pillowcases on the ground. Clothes, shoes, and a plastic bag of peanut butter and banana sandwiches filled one. The other had candy and toys in it.
She caught me looking at the bag. “I’m really going this time. Don’t try to stop me.”
Sadness shook me. "Don't run away."
"No one likes me here."
"I like you."
She rolled her eyes. "You like everybody, Max."
"Then. . ." I swallowed, turned away, and gazed at the top of the other buildings around us. "Then, I love you."
She snapped her view to me.
I looked back at her.
Em’s eyes watered. "Do you really?"
I nodded. "I love you with all my heart."
She let out an exasperated breath.
I let go of her hand and held my arms out. “I love you this big. Bigger than the moon.”
“You can’t love anybody bigger than the moon.”
“I can, and that’s how much I love you.”
Her bottom lip quivered. "Then. . ."
I stiffened.
"Then, I'll stay, Max."
Hope filled me. I grabbed her hand.
She tightened her fingers around mine and closed her eyes. “I’ll stay for you.”
I shoved the memory out of my head. "But, I should have told her to run."
The wind settled, yet the storm raged on.
I eyed the skeletons and whispered to them, "That's why I'm being punished now. I should have. . .helped her get away."
Guilt seeped into my soul.
"What did I know as a stupid ass kid?" I scanned the hole, water pooled at the center of our chests, rocking and sloshing around my body. “I thought my love was enough to save her. . .to stop Dad. . .”
The skeletons floated on their backs.
“My love wasn’t enough.”
Jean-Pierre stopped looking at the wall. Now he watched the bones drifting on the water’s rippling surface like buoys in the ocean.
Panic quaked through my shivering body. “Was it all the fucking women? The weed? The murder? The lies from covering up bodies? The stealing to survive?”
With each shuddering breath, I could feel my heart beats quickening in my chest. “It’s not my fault, God. I just. . .”
Jean-Pierre moved his view to me.
"You see, God." I trembled and gazed up at the hole’s opening. “There was a time when I thought you weren’t there. You took my mom, man. I don’t even remember much of what she looks like anymore.”
My heart broke.
“You put me in a. . .fucked up situation. . .”
Images of smiley faces flashed in my head.
No. No. Not now!
I shut my eyes tight and shoved the smiley faces away. “But. . .I. . .I thought. . .that sometimes. . .I did the right things. . .just in case you were real. . .”
Cold water streamed down my face. “I figured that maybe you aren’t what the Bible says. . .maybe you’re cooler than that. . .”
The muscles in my legs and arms stiffened.
Jean-Pierre continued to watch me, and I didn't care what he thought of my ramblings. This was now between God and me.
“Maybe, fornication is some shit humans made up.” I flexed my fingers and toes within the water, working blood into them. Ripples formed across the surface with each of my fingers’ movements. “You must have liked sex, God. Right? You made it so good.”
With both hands, Jean-Pierre ran his shaking fingers through his wet hair.
“And then sometimes. . .I thought. . .maybe we were gods. . .in some way.” I gazed up at the hole. “You said you made us in your image. Maybe, you filled us with your power too.”
The sky hadn’t lightened. Those dark clouds continued to hover. The night would be coming soon.
“But if I’m a God. . .” I wiped water from my eyes. “Then. . .I would be out of this hole.”