Total pages in book: 64
Estimated words: 62637 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 313(@200wpm)___ 251(@250wpm)___ 209(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 62637 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 313(@200wpm)___ 251(@250wpm)___ 209(@300wpm)
“Why!” I yell.
Horus jerks back and nearly falls off the bed. “What the hell?”
“Why!” I yell again. “If you’re a god and I’m a human, why do I have to suffer? I’ve done everything right! I’ve tried so freaking hard, but why? Why am I suffering? Why do you get the power? Why do I get to sit here and cry? Why? I want to know why my tears fall. I want to know why I have no memories of love. I want to know why. WHY!”
I don’t realize I’m sobbing until I can’t see.
He slowly raises his hands and rests them on my shoulders, then pulls me against his chest. I sob until I can’t breathe.
“I have no excuses,” he whispers. “I have no answers to the Creator’s reasons for pain, but I do have this.”
“What?” I sob. “A magic pill to make me forget?”
His smile is sad. “Not so much.” His head lowers, but he hesitates as if he doesn’t understand the words coming out of his mouth but feels compelled to say them. “One thing given to all gods that can’t be taken away.”
“What’s that?” I sniffle.
His smile is full of something I don’t think I can even categorize as he lowers his head and brushes his lips against mine. “Love.”
“You don’t love me. You don’t know me.”
“But I can show you love; any being can show love if, even for an instant, they can at one moment choose to love someone over themselves, choose to be selfless for a small amount of time. Every single second that passes, we are given a choice, and if you use those seconds for others, knowing that you will never get that time back, is that not love?”
I feel like I’ve heard these words before.
I open my mouth to protest, yet I know he’s right. Sacrifice is love. Even if all you’re sacrificing is time.
I nod my head. “Then give me love, just for a few seconds.”
“And if I choose to give you a minute?”
“Then you’re a very benevolent god, aren’t you?”
“I was.” He frowns. “I am.”
CHAPTER ELEVEN
振り向くな、振り向くな、後ろには夢がない
Furimuku na, furimuku na, ushiro ni wa yume ga nai
Don’t look back, don’t look back, there is no dream in the back.
~Shuji Terayama, Japanese playwright and poet
Horus
She’s staring up at me like I’ve lost it, and I’m staring down at her like I’ve finally found something I’ve been searching for, for a thousand years, maybe more. I’ve always given of myself; it’s part of the job. But for some reason, I don’t feel like I’m doing her a favor by touching her; it’s like she’s doing me a favor by allowing it. Everything inside of me warms. My own soul starts to reach out, tapping pieces of my heart with its tentacles, warming me.
Her hypnotic green eyes lock onto me with anticipation and maybe a bit of fear.
Adrenaline surges through my system, and my brain tells me that if I just touch her, everything in my world and hers will finally make sense.
Is this what love is?
Is this just a connection?
I want to protect her and, at the same time, let her protect herself and fight for herself.
I don’t know what to do, so I simply just lower my head and wonder what happens next.
Her hands cup the sides of my head. “Love?”
“Love,” I whisper back. “I’ve never experienced it.”
“And now?”
“Now I feel something. I feel protective.” I frown. “For no reason. I’ve only ever given myself out of kindness, never out of my own personal need or want.” I don’t know her. I just want her. I want to protect her. I feel like I’ve known her for a thousand years.
And I desire her. It must be the timeline, the way I’ve lost some of my powers that has me wishing to do carnal things, that has my mind tricked that she’s the answer to everything.
A kiss doesn’t solve problems. Oftentimes it leads to them, so why does it feel like the opposite with this pretty stranger I shouldn’t even be touching?
Despite my own warnings, I still want to give her these seconds, maybe minutes, so I press my lips to her mouth and immediately feel a force shove me back against the wall.
I’m held there.
Motionless and nearly unable to breathe as the force holds me still.
She passes out on the bed while my vision blackens.
And I finally see. I finally know.
“Stop!” She laughs and shoves against me. A thousand years ago seems like yesterday. “Remember, we aren’t supposed to be together. The heavens would be livid!”
I laugh and splash her with more water from the lake. “What can they do? I’m a god… you’re a goddess…”
“Yeah, a lesser goddess to you.”
I shrug. “Who cares? Just be with me.”
“Be with me.”
Thunder strikes overhead. I think nothing of it. I can protect her from anything in our world. But it keeps coming until rain starts pelting from above. We dress and hide under one of the trees.