Total pages in book: 152
Estimated words: 155037 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 775(@200wpm)___ 620(@250wpm)___ 517(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 155037 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 775(@200wpm)___ 620(@250wpm)___ 517(@300wpm)
“Breathe with me,” Isa said calmly. “Here, squeeze my hand.”
She grabbed hold of Loki’s hand and he squeezed.
“Good, now raise your hand above your head.”
The simple task helped him calm down.
“Now, turn your head to the left. Hey, that’s to the right!” She grinned at him.
As his breathing eased, his self-hatred grew.
“Fuck. I’m sorry.”
“Sorry, why?” she asked.
“Because I’m such a fucking fuck-up. You’re supposed to be resting and I woke you up with my issues.”
He couldn’t stand it! Getting to his feet, Loki stormed out of the bedroom into the living room. He walked straight to the kitchen island, grabbing the counter before he let out a roar of anger. Then he slapped his hands down on it.
He had to get rid of these feelings boiling inside him. To let them out.
He’d failed them.
He’d failed her.
Fuck! He tugged at his hair.
“Stop.”
The voice was firm. Commanding. A hand landed on his back and he turned, ready for a fight.
But then he saw her face. Worried. Pale. Someone had turned a light on and he hadn’t even noticed. And now he could see her properly.
“I need to leave,” he said.
“You’re going to stay,” Remy said firmly.
“Can’t.” He moved his gaze away from her. He couldn’t look at her.
“Why not? Why can’t you stay? Isa needs you. We need you.”
They couldn’t need him. He was going to disappoint them.
“I don’t . . . I don’t . . . I can’t . . .”
“You can’t what?” Remy asked.
“Let me go!” He tried to get past Remy, but the other man got in his way.
He reached up to shove him, but her gasp of shock and pain made him stop.
This wasn’t right.
He couldn’t hurt Remy.
“Neither of us want you to go anywhere,” Remy told him in that same low, calm voice. “We want you to stay.”
Loki shook his head. “No.”
“Please,” she said.
“You shouldn’t want me! Neither of you.” He tugged at his hair again.
This time, Remy stopped him, grabbing his hand and pulling it away. “Stop hurting yourself.”
“No.”
“Yes,” Remy countered. “You’re going to stop hurting yourself because you are not to blame for anything. None of this is on you.”
“I failed!”
“How? How did you fail, Loki?”
He heaved for breath, his pulse racing. “She could have gotten hurt! He could have hurt her! Raped her! Killed her!”
Isa let out a small sob, but Remy stepped between them so Loki couldn’t see her. He didn’t like that.
Loki stepped forward, sneering at Remy. “Out of my way!”
“You don’t like not being able to see her,” Remy said.
“No!”
“Why not?”
“Because she’s mine!”
“And how are you going to protect her if you leave?” Remy asked.
“You’re here.”
“Yes, and I will take care of her. But she needs you too, Loki. She needs both of us.”
“But I don’t deserve her,” he cried.
“Because you failed to protect her,” Remy stated.
Yes! He got it.
“No!” she cried.
“Isa, I need you to be quiet for a while, baby,” Remy told her.
“I don’t deserve her,” Loki repeated. It hurt, though.
It hurt so fucking bad.
“You failed to protect her, right? What . . . like you failed your unit?” Remy said.
“Yes.” How did he know?
“Because they died and you lived?”
“I should have helped them. I should have saved them.” Pain ripped through his chest. “My fault.”
Loki sunk to his knees. There was no fight left in him. He didn’t want to hurt anyone. This was all on him.
“What could you have done differently?” Remy moved over to him and wrapped his hand around Loki’s neck.
A sense of calm came over Loki. But he didn’t deserve calm.
Did he?
He was alive and they were dead. Gone.
His girl had nearly been raped.
She wasn’t feeling well and he hadn’t even known.
What sort of Daddy Dom was he?
A fucking failure.
“I could have saved them.”
“Yeah? How?” Remy asked. “How could you have saved them?” He grabbed Loki’s hair and tugged it back. “How?”
“I don’t know! But I should have!” His breath heaved in and out of his lungs, emotions pushing everything to the extreme. “I should have died too!”
“Yeah? And then where would Isa be?” Remy asked.
“She would have found you.”
“Would she? Are you so sure of that? Or would she have suffered without you? Gone into herself. Forgotten to take care of herself. To eat. To sleep. To play and have fun. Forgotten that she was worth something.”
“She’s worth everything,” Loki said, glaring up at him.
“I know. Isa, go get me one of those silk scarves you have,” Remy said in a soft voice. “We’re not there yet.”
Loki continued to scowl at him. Why was he doing this?
Didn’t he see how much Loki was to blame?
“She’s been sick all this time and I didn’t know.”
Isa made a pained noise and he looked over to her, but Remy forcefully pulled his gaze back to him. His hand was tight on his chin.
“Neither did I,” Remy said.