Total pages in book: 86
Estimated words: 79932 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 400(@200wpm)___ 320(@250wpm)___ 266(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 79932 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 400(@200wpm)___ 320(@250wpm)___ 266(@300wpm)
Especially with the end of our contract coming up and her large payday that she was about to get. Her sister would be set up and she would have the means to do whatever she wanted. And I could only hope that included something to do with me. I needed to tell her that, but I was terrified.
“I can see us there,” I said, making my words playful and my face to match. It was easier for me to hide behind the mischief and the games and the jokes than it was to be real. Because in reality, I had no idea how to navigate what I was feeling, and I hated the fact that I felt like I was going to fuck it up any second.
“Really?” she asked. “You think we'd be suited for small-town life?”
“Absolutely,” I answered. “I could help you in your bookstore, and you could teach me how to make lattes. Maybe we could even sell boba, even if it’s just for me to enjoy it every day.”
Aspen laughed, resuming her stroking. “I didn't mean to get you hooked on those,” she said. “But they are quite addictive.”
“I love it,” I said, my eyes trailing over the curves of her face. “We could live in a loft over the coffee shop, our place constantly smelling like roasted coffee beans and freshly bound books.”
“Now that's one hell of a dream,” she said, a little bit of seriousness coming back into her eyes. “But if I've learned anything from life, it's that it delights in laughing at you while you make plans.”
“You think it's easier to not make plans?”
“I don't know if it's easier, but for me the only the plans I've ever been able to make are the goals I need to hit in order to help Brecken be okay.”
“And you've done that,” I said. “She's thriving, and she will continue to. So when are you going to start thinking about yourself?”
She laughed roughly, then shrugged. “I'm not sure I know how to do that.”
I slid my hand over her cheek, and she leaned into the touch. From the time I'd known her, she was selfless. Taking care of herself was one of the hardest things she'd ever have to learn how to do.
I'd been lucky to help her these past couple of months, ensuring that she put herself first on occasion. Hopefully over time she'd get better at it and realize that she could better take care of other people if she took care of herself first.
Over time.
I just hoped she’d give me the time I needed to figure out a way to make these dreams we teased each other about became our reality.
CHAPTER 15
Aspen
November tenth.
I loved New York in the fall. There was something magical about the city in the season where the leaves changed colors and there was a crisp autumn bite to the air. It’d always been my favorite season, ushering in the prospect of an upcoming new year with new goals and new aspirations and it symbolized another year survived.
But as I sat outside, cozy inside a warm jacket, my hands wrapped around a piping hot paper cup filled with coffee as I sat across from my sister on campus, I couldn't shake the sense of dread building in my stomach.
“Okay,” Brecken said, sitting up a little straighter. “You’ve barely touched your coffee. I know something's up. Talk.”
The chatter of college students hustling to and from classes created a chaotic energy around us.
“Brec, I don't want to put my problems on you.”
Brecken rolled her eyes, a slash of anger flaring in them. “That might have worked when I was ten,” she said, planting me with a serious look. “But I'm nineteen now, Aspen. And we're sisters. At some point you're going to have to start treating me like an adult and allowing me to take part in this give-and-take. Because for the last all of my life, it's been nothing but give from you. Let me help you if I can.”
“I know you're an adult,” I said, emotion clogging my throat. “As much as I would like to still see you as my baby sister who needs me every second of the day, I'm completely aware that you're a grown woman now. And you're doing amazing.” I motioned to the awesome campus around us, the one that we'd worked so hard to get her into. “But that doesn't change the fact that you're juggling a more-than-full-time class schedule.”
“And you've been carrying double shifts, sometimes triple, plus side hustles, all to keep me here. And that’s never stopped you from helping me if I had outside problems. So, we're both in agreement that I'm an adult and I'm doing well, so now it's time for you to let me be your sister and share some of the burden. Whatever's bothering you, I can tell it's big. Our parents didn't reach out again, did they?” Brecken’s eyes flared, worry and fear mixed together.