Total pages in book: 25
Estimated words: 24377 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 122(@200wpm)___ 98(@250wpm)___ 81(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 24377 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 122(@200wpm)___ 98(@250wpm)___ 81(@300wpm)
I meet her eyes, about to tell her I’m doing fine, when my throat tightens with frantic tears as I feel another painful contraction starting. They get more intense each time.
“I want Ben. I want my husband and he’s not going to be here.”
Mila explains to her where Ben is and how he’s trying to make it back and Erin gives a sympathetic hum.
Crying so hard while panting and moaning through the contraction makes me into an even bigger mess. Erin takes my hand and leans down close to me.
“It’s okay, Stella. Just breathe and try to relax. I know it’s hard. Your husband is on his way. I’ll be here with you every step of the way, okay?”
I’m flooded with the pain of my miscarriage. The absolute devastation of hearing that nothing could be done and I was losing the baby Ben and I wanted so badly. Ben cried when I told him the news. We’d started a nursery and told everyone we were expecting.
Why are these memories hitting right now? I’m supposed to be happy. The baby is developed enough that it’s safe for me to deliver.
“I’m scared. I’m scared something will be wrong with the baby and Ben won’t be here.” The words come spilling out of me and I finally make the connection about why I can’t stop crying and panicking. “I need Ben. I can’t do this without Ben.”
I’m blubbering, waiting for Erin to remind me again about breathing and relaxing, but it’s Mila who leans down close to me this time, and her tone is nowhere near as soothing as Erin’s.
“Listen to me, Stella. You’re a mother now. It’s the hardest, most rewarding role in all of humanity. You will never put yourself first again because your kids are part of your soul. And right now, you’re all this baby has. Ben’s not here. You’re it. And you’re a lot stronger than you think. Stop crying and get your fucking head on straight. You putting yourself into a panic is bad for your blood pressure, and that’s bad for your baby. You listen to Erin and do every fucking thing she tells you to do. She says breathe, you breathe. For your baby.”
I nod, immediately taking a deep breath in through my nose and out through my mouth. The haze of panic is gone now. I’m grounded in what’s really happening. I’m in a great hospital, and Mila and Erin are here to help me. My doctor is on the way.
This isn’t what I planned, but Mila is right. This isn’t a time to fall apart. My baby needs me.
CHAPTER TWO
Ben
Rain pelts the car’s windshield as I change lanes, scowling at the slow driver I’m passing. I’m twenty minutes away from the airport, but it feels like an eternity.
This was my worst fear. Not only is Stella in labor and I’m not home, but all flights out of Tampa are grounded. Throughout her pregnancy, I’ve assured her that I can get a quick flight out of any city I’m in so I can be there.
My heart’s been racing since she left me a message that she was going to the hospital. I’ve tried to call her more than a dozen times since then, but she hasn’t answered.
I haven’t even been able to tell her I’m on the way. My phone was on silent during a team meeting when she called. Telling her how much I love her and promising I’m on the way in phone messages isn’t enough.
It feels like we’ve been trying for this baby forever. My wife is radiant and happy most of the time, but the past couple of years, her light has been dimmer. Every day of every month has been a time we could get pregnant, a time we couldn’t, a time we were waiting to see if a test would be positive, a time we were grieving our loss, a brief time of cautious celebration, or Stella counting the days as our baby developed.
It was hell seeing her face fall every time she looked at a test and it was negative. And a different kind of hell watching her question her own worth as she hoped and prayed to carry this baby to term.
I exhale heavily as I stop at a red light, tapping my thumb on the steering wheel. When the Tampa team heard about my wife being in labor and all outbound flights being grounded, the team’s captain, Connor Kravitz, immediately brought me his car keys and told me to go.
Even though we’re on opposing teams, hockey is a brotherhood. Connor has a wife and kids, and I could tell he felt my panic as he led me out to his car at a full run.
His large SUV is loaded with amenities, but it’s clearly a broken-in family car. There are two car seats in the back and an empty Goldfish bag on one of the seats. Connor assumed I’d be taking it all the way to Denver, and he didn’t even blink. I’ll have to send him and his family something nice to thank them for this.