Total pages in book: 82
Estimated words: 76063 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 380(@200wpm)___ 304(@250wpm)___ 254(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 76063 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 380(@200wpm)___ 304(@250wpm)___ 254(@300wpm)
In my case, though, it wasn't. "Jacob's dad was my high school sweetheart. We went three long years without a pregnancy scare. And then there was a missed period and a dozen pee sticks. And irrefutable evidence of Jacob's existence.
"Rob was never a bad guy. It just didn't work out. When he was still in Navesink Bank, he saw Jacob on the weekends, though he never took him overnight. But then he went away to college. And he decided to stay there. It's not far. Just over an hour from here. But Jacob was resentful that he left, doubly so when Rob married.
"Then compile that with the kids he eventually had. Rob tries, but Jacob isn't receptive right now. Rob would take him. If I decided I needed to get Jacob out of town until he grows up a little, Rob would take him. But Jacob would never forgive me. And, quite frankly, even as much as a pain in the ass as he is being lately, I can't imagine not having him around."
"Jelly's mom peace'd out right after she was born. Decided she couldn't take it," Colson told me, wanting to give me his story since I was giving him mine. I wasn't sure I'd ever had such an equal exchange of conversation with a man before.
"No contact?"
"Nope."
"Not even now, when she's older?"
"Not a birthday card, not a word."
"Do you ever worry she will come back and try to take Jelena away?"
"Every damn day of my life. But I think we are far enough along now that it wouldn't happen. Legally, I think it qualifies as abandonment, but I've never tried to file the paperwork to strip her rights. It didn't feel like my place. If she did come back one day, and Jelly did want to get to know her, I figured that was her right to make that decision."
"That must have been hard on Jelly."
"Not so much as she was little. But, lately, I think she is looking for that mother figure. Teen troubles on their way and all that."
"She has your sister, at least. I know it's not the same, but it is something. Have you... ever been close? To finding someone," I clarified, wincing even as the words were coming out of my mouth, wondering if they were too prying, if he thought I was asking to be nosy, or—worse yet—so I could be jealous of this woman I had never met.
"Honestly, I really haven't even dated," he admitted.
"There's just never any freaking time, right?" I asked, shaking my head. "What? Squeeze a string of dates in between parent-teacher meetings and class parties and the summer shuffle to try to set up camp or other arrangements? So sexy."
"You haven't dated?" he asked, sounding surprised.
"I mean... I've been on a couple dates, of course. There were times when I was really looking for that piece that was missing. But that was way back when my mom was herself, when she could keep an eye on Jacob, when I didn't have to worry about her too. Nothing has ever gotten very serious. It isn't a lie about the dating pool shrinking as you get older. Add in being a single mom, and the options narrow further. My crazy shifts at work. Besides, I had a hard time relating to someone whose life was all about going out drinking or taking spur of the moment trips out of town. My life needed to be stable for Jacob, and none of the men I ever met were in that place. It didn't work out."
"I know what you mean," Colson agreed.
"From what I hear about bikers, women are always around the clubhouse."
To that, he chuckled. "There have been times. When there were new, younger members who weren't locked down yet. Lately, though, pretty much everyone is shacked up except for me and the prospects."
"Prospects?"
"Guys who want to be patched members, but haven't earned it yet. I imagine when they are in, there will be women again hanging around. And that's fine. Casual is fine," he said, but there were other words left unsaid, I could feel them dangling between us.
"But casual is empty," I told him, knowing from the few experiences I'd had with the idea of casually seeing someone, back when I thought that sex was what was missing from my life. It turned out it wasn't that. "Connection is better."
"Connection is best. But sex can be pretty good," he added, tone attempting to be light, get the mood up again.
"Can it?" I asked, chuckling. "It's been so long I've forgotten," I added, pulling away to scrub at my cheeks with the sleeves of my sweatshirt. "I think the other problem," I added, flipping down my visor to check the damage in the mirror," is you can't screw it up, y'know? When you have kids. You don't want them to get attached, and then be a part of breaking your kid's heart as well as your own when things don't work out."