Total pages in book: 87
Estimated words: 82888 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 414(@200wpm)___ 332(@250wpm)___ 276(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 82888 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 414(@200wpm)___ 332(@250wpm)___ 276(@300wpm)
“In a good way?” she inquires hesitantly.
“In the best ways,” I assure her. “You’ve changed my life, Tillie, and you alone gave me the strength to consider giving my old life a chance. The only problem is, my old life doesn’t include you.”
“No, it doesn’t,” she murmurs, her gaze drifting from mine.
“But I want it to.”
Her eyes slide back, mouth slightly parted. I want to kiss her again, but I refrain. “It’s going to be hard to figure out. I’m hoping you can come stay in Pittsburgh with me some, but I understand you have a life here too. Especially after you open the studio. But I’ll come here when I can. I have the summer, a full bye week, and Christmas I’ll spend here with you. And once in a blue moon, we have three- to four-day stretches with no games, so you can time visits then. I’ll have practice, of course, but lots of time to spend with you. You could come to some away games. We can make it work. I know we can. I’ll get a bigger place in Pittsburgh, and we’ll set up an art studio for you in one of the rooms. I’ll make sure it has good lighting and… whoa… fuck… Tillie… are you crying?”
Yes, tears are brimming in her eyes, and when she blinks, they stream down her cheeks and wet her golden eyelashes.
I brush them away with my thumbs and dip my head to kiss her softly. “Is my idea so repugnant? Is that why you’re crying?”
She shakes her head and laughs. “No… it’s just… I thought yesterday when you told me you were going back to Pittsburgh that it was the definite end for us.”
“No,” I say emphatically. “When I decided to go back, I’d done so only after considering how I could keep you, how I could make us work. I just wasn’t sure how to approach you about it.”
“Why not?”
“Because…” And here my words fail me. It’s been so long since I’ve felt deep emotion, and after closing myself off for so long, it’s not easy to talk about my feelings.
Tillie’s hand comes to my cheek, her expressive eyes affirming I can trust her with anything, and my tongue loosens.
“Because I’ve spent months walled off from everyone, and this is hard. But mostly, because I didn’t know if you’d even want to continue to see me. I’ve been such a dick to you—I sued you and tried to take away your dreams, I’ve not offered much of myself, other than pleasure in bed. I was having a hard time believing you would want anything to do with me if I went back to Pittsburgh.”
“You’ve offered plenty,” she says, her fingers playing with the collar of my T-shirt. “You trusted me enough to share the source of your pain. You gave me something you’ve never given anyone else, and that means a lot.”
“So my idea isn’t that crazy?” I prod.
She grabs hold of her lower lip with her teeth, which means she’s pondering. She doesn’t do it to be sexy—although she is—but it’s her tell that she’s thinking deeply.
“This is overwhelming. You’re asking me to be part of a life that’s foreign to me.”
“You’ll get used to Pittsburgh,” I assure her. “It’s like a big small town, and the people are great.”
She shakes her head, eyes heavy with apology. “I’m not talking about the city. I’m talking about your life. You’re famous, Coen. I don’t know much about hockey, but I’ve read enough to know you’re a big deal in not just Pittsburgh but in the league. Here in Coudersport, you’re just Coen… my grumpy but hot neighbor. Here, you’re mine. In Pittsburgh, you belong to everyone else.”
My heart sinks because it sounds like she’s not interested. I know she feels the same connection that I do, but fuck if she doesn’t make some good points. Our life together in Pittsburgh would be very, very different. She would have to share me with the team and with fans. She’d be committing to a man who wouldn’t be there for her all the time.
At least not physically, anyway.
“I won’t go back,” I say, surprised at how easily that popped out of my mouth, and then downright stunned that I don’t want to recant. I’d been excited by my commitment to return to my career, and in the blink of an eye, I’m ready to give it all up again.
For Tillie.
“What?” she exclaims, pushing out of my hold. She glares at me, hands on her hips. “Like hell you’ll give up your career just because I might have a little anxiety about how life with you would work.”
I snag her wrist and I reel her into me. My other hand goes to the back of her neck and I squeeze, forcing her eyes to me. “I’ve obviously given a lot of thought about my life and where it’s going, Tillie. And the one thing I know, without a doubt, is that I don’t want to do life without you. I want hockey back, but I want you more. I will follow you.”