Total pages in book: 35
Estimated words: 33243 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 166(@200wpm)___ 133(@250wpm)___ 111(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 33243 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 166(@200wpm)___ 133(@250wpm)___ 111(@300wpm)
Summoning every courage I have, I grab his shirt, stand on my toes, and press my mouth to his.
5
ALEC
I am about to go crazy from the sheer effort of standing still and keeping my hands to myself, especially since I can feel her breaking through the last of my defenses.
This can’t be happening.
This is what I tell myself as I kiss her back, grabbing the back of her head and molding my mouth to hers.
She has no idea what kind of person I am. She doesn’t know about my past and the blood of a monster flowing through my veins.
I am a monster myself, albeit to a lesser degree, but a monster nonetheless, not even just on the outside. If she finds out the thoughts I have before going to sleep, she’s gonna want to run the other way. She should. If she knows what’s good for her, she needs to steer clear of me.
I cannot sully her with my filth.
With superhuman effort, I pull away from her just as her tongue runs over my lips. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done, maybe except pulling the trigger on someone begging on his knees.
“Happy birthday, Zara.”
I force myself to let her go and jog back to my apartment. When I hear the lock engage, I press my forehead against the wall and bang it once.
Fuck. This is messing with my head. I can’t let her occupy my every thought. It’s too risky. Too many victims depend on us for their freedom. I can’t just think of myself. Ever since the island, I’ve always known that happiness is a foreign concept to me. I have my moments with my brothers, but ultimately, a normal life with a normal family is beyond my reach.
I’ve accepted that.
But that kiss…
I have kissed several women, most of whom preferred to keep the lights off so they wouldn’t need to look at my face. So they could pretend I didn’t look the way I did.
The kiss with Zara…
It was different. It felt different. It was almost like … like coming home to myself. And I lost myself a long, long time ago. I had become someone I barely recognized.
I have no idea if that should excite or terrify me. Maybe both. Whatever it is, I can’t let that happen again. I can’t let her keep testing my wafer-thin control. It’s the last thing I need right now.
My fingers touch my mouth, still tingling with how her lips felt against mine. Hers were soft and inviting, and if I were another man, I would’ve grabbed the chance to deepen the kiss until she too lost her mind … until it would become the best birthday night she’s ever had.
“You’re gonna spend the rest of your life standing out in a sea of normal people. You dare call me a monster, well I will make you look like one. And you know what the best part is, nephew? There won’t be a hole small enough for you to hide in if I want to find you. I will brand you so you’ll be reminded of the boy cowering in the basement, peeing his pajamas, and crying for Mommy.”
“You’re a monster, Uncle Jax. I hate you!”
He laughed. “Check the mirror, kid. Who’s the monster now?”
When I continued glaring at him, he grabbed my hair and shoved my face an inch away from the mirror. “That’s who you are, Alexander. A monster. That’s all you’ll ever be.”
Zara can never be seen with me. It’s too dangerous. I can fight him. Of course, I can. I am no longer the little boy he can throw around easily. He’ll be about sixty by now, so I will be the one throwing him around.
Still, I can’t risk Zara. I can’t put her in his sights just because I can’t keep my hands to myself. I owe her that much.
She probably hates me right now. I can’t even really blame her if she regrets kissing me at all.
6
ZARA
Okay, part of me feels like shit because of the way he ran away like I pounced on him. I kind of did, so maybe I shocked him? I want to regret making a move, but I can’t bring myself to feel anything other than … happiness.
For a moment there, he seemed at war with himself and let his walls down. He kissed me back. That much I’m sure of.
It makes me wonder what’s wrong with me. I’m pretty convinced he’s attracted to me, and I don’t really look that bad. So why?
The whole day I try to scrub him off my mind. I don’t have work, so I have plenty of time on my hands. But even after deep-cleaning the whole apartment from top to bottom, I realize it’s only 5 PM.
Fine, I’m destressing in the best way I know how—by baking cupcakes. I do a quick check of my pantry and decide on strawberry shortcake cupcakes. It’s a good distraction, but after realizing I made enough to feed at least seven people, I sigh and think about what to do with the extras.