Total pages in book: 87
Estimated words: 82930 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 415(@200wpm)___ 332(@250wpm)___ 276(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 82930 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 415(@200wpm)___ 332(@250wpm)___ 276(@300wpm)
She shook her head. “No, this is not right. I can’t … no.”
Her vision began to go blurry and this was the last thing she wanted to do. She refused to cry. She refused to fall like this.
Today was going to be a fucking good day. She was not the kind of woman who cried over everything. She was a lot stronger than that. Those fucking tears were not going to fall.
Only, Kim’s admittance had taken her completely by surprise. Fear and panic began to curl up inside her. She had to fight it.
Petal lost, as the first tear fell from her eyes. She squeezed her eyes tight and as she attempted to fight it, Kim wrapped her arms around her. It felt so good to have someone hold her. She couldn’t remember the last time her mother had held her like this, comforted her. Petal tried to ignore it, but then she wrapped her arms around Kim and held on, embracing the comfort the other woman was giving her.
“Rosalie doesn’t know, does she?” Kim asked.
“No one knows.”
“Apart from you, me, and Dirty,” Kim said.
Petal pulled away. “You know about him?”
“Yes, I mean, I didn’t know you two were doing anything, but I put two and two together. He knew at the shooting to bring you straight to the hospital. When I read the report, I knew.”
“They don’t always put everything in that report,” Petal said.
“What did they miss?”
“Oh, the part where Dirty didn’t want to have anything to do with the baby.” She gave a sharp laugh. “When he found out, he asked if it was his.” She shook her head. “It was his, there was no doubt who the father was. I’d never been with anyone else.”
“And you’ve been dealing with this all by yourself?” Kim asked.
“Rosalie lost her mother, and with everything going on, I couldn’t spring this on her. She had been through so much already. I didn’t want to add to it.”
Kim sighed.
Petal nodded. “I know. I know. We’re best friends, and this is the first time I’ve not told her something. It’s just a small little detail. It’ll be fine. We will be fine.”
“This is not a small detail, Petal. You’re close to tears a lot of the time.”
“I’ll be fine. I don’t even know why I am so sad. I mean, I knew long enough to panic, like I said, but I didn’t even know if it was a boy or girl.” She shrugged. “It makes no sense.”
“It makes sense. You may not have known about the child for long, but that didn’t stop you already loving your baby. Also, is there a possibility you might also be in love with Dirty?”
Petal shook her head. “No, that is not possible. I don’t love him. He’s … no, that is not possible.”
She refused to believe she could love that man. No way. But, deep down in her heart, she knew she did, and that was the scariest thing of all.
“It’s okay,” Kim said. “It is okay to love him.”
“No, it’s not, because he is … horrible.” She pulled away from Kim and picked up her mug of coffee, taking a sip. It was still hot, but not too hot to scold her. She couldn’t stop shaking her head. “The only reason he was interested in me was because of Colt. He asked him to keep me busy so he’d have some time with Rosalie. I get it.”
“That doesn’t stop you from enjoying his company and falling for him.”
Petal took a deep breath and shook her head. “That’s a problem because that makes me a doormat.”
“No,” Kim said. “What would make you a doormat is if you allowed him to come back around here and do whatever the hell he wanted. That is what makes you a doormat.”
“I don’t think I loved him, but I think I was falling for him.” Petal pressed her lips together as she felt sick to her stomach, because she knew it for the lie it was. “Holy crap, is that why this hurts so damn bad? I fell in love with him?”
“It’s not wrong to fall in love.”
“No, but he was … a dick.” Petal took a deep breath. “What do I do? How do I stop this from hurting?”
“Time,” Kim said.
“I don’t want it to take too long.”
“I found getting up and doing stuff helps. Taking it one step at a time, one day at a time. Hell, even one minute at a time. I wasn’t there when I lost my little girl. Colt was there. I have to live with that guilt every single day. As a mother, I know I failed. I should have been there to hold my baby and make sure my son didn’t have to be the one with the memory of his sister fading away.”