Total pages in book: 82
Estimated words: 76572 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 383(@200wpm)___ 306(@250wpm)___ 255(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 76572 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 383(@200wpm)___ 306(@250wpm)___ 255(@300wpm)
27
CILLA
Something changed. I don’t know if it was at the party in general or if my father said something to him as we left, but the ride back to the apartment is tense. He may have been distant before, but not like this. It’s like he’s put up a brick wall between us, and the second I try to climb over, there are death lasers ready to take me out.
So we sit in silence, and at the apartment, more silence. But where the car felt tense, this feels…explosive.
I rip off my heels and toss them over by the couch so I can be flat on my feet when I go to him. It takes me a few minutes to get the courage to approach.
He stands on the far side of the room, staring out the window, his back and shoulders pushed back and rigid. My father had to have said something to him. But what? Why antagonize Ivan when he’s so close to getting what he wants.
I cross to stand to his left and stare out at the dark sky. The lights in the other towers twinkle around us, looking like another universe. “Are you okay?”
“Don’t speak.” His voice is like ice.
I wrap my arms around my middle to give myself the courage to stand my ground. But I do as he asks and keep my mouth shut.
The urge to touch him is a chant in my head. I want to reach out and soothe whatever damage my father has done in the few words he spoke to him. When I can no longer resist, I reach out my right hand and brush the back of his shoulder.
He explodes, knocking my hand away with one arm, his other coming up to cup my neck and walk me back to the window. The entire world at my back.
His face is pink, and his eyes are rimmed with raw anger and pain. “How could I have been so stupid? Have you been playing me this entire time? Was it all a game to you? Come in here, get under my skin, and give me something in my life to finally hope for?”
I wrap my hands around his wrist, holding on even though he’s not hurting me, just holding me. Hot tears slide down my cheeks. “Is that what he said to you? That I’m what…here because he sent me? Do I have that right? You’re only stupid if you believe him.”
He leans down, his face an inch from mine. “You’re good. Really. You almost had me. All it took was me considering why in the hell you would want someone like me to begin with. You’re…you wouldn’t look twice at me under normal circumstances.”
A sob falls from my lips, and I have to close my eyes to clear the tears. “What are you talking about? All it took was one word from him to make you doubt me…after all we’ve been through?”
My heart is breaking, cracking open, and shattering into tiny pieces. I sob, leaning my head back against the wall as he pins me. He asks how he could have been stupid; I’m feeling the same thing right this second. I knew better than to let my heart get involved. Hell, I actively tried not to let it, yet here I am, having it broken. After so many years of protecting myself from every abuse, maybe my father has finally won. He’s finally broken me; all it took was using someone else to do it.
I open my eyes, and he’s blurry through the tears. “I don’t care what you think. This wasn’t some kind of setup. If he told you that, then he’s trying to get between us. He must have seen that I care about you. Now he’s trying to get his revenge against me after all these years of not giving him the zombie-like submissive he’s always wanted in a daughter.”
I feel dead inside. The earth was dug up and salted where my heart used to be. He squeezes my neck and leans in closer, so close I can almost taste him on my lips. Despite my emotions, my body still craves him like nothing I’ve ever felt.
He doesn’t say anything, just looks into my face, sweeping his gaze over my lips, up to my eyes, and back down again. Over and over.
I try to pry his hand loose, but he doesn’t budge. “If you think I’ve betrayed you, then let me go. You can just kill me and be done with it.” Maybe, at least, he can give me that kindness.
“Oh no, if you’ve betrayed me, you’ll pay for that mistake before I kill you.”
The rope of my patience snaps, and I dig my nails into his hand. “No. You don’t get to stand there and act like you’re the one who was wronged. What can you possibly do to me that wasn’t already done before? You want to rape me…fine. You want to cut my skin and watch me bleed…been there…done that too. You want to hurt me until I pass out from the pain? Guess what, still won’t be the first. The only thing you could do was be the first to break my heart. And you just did, so congratulations. I didn’t think a new way to hurt me existed, but you managed to find it. Great job.”