Total pages in book: 131
Estimated words: 130255 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 651(@200wpm)___ 521(@250wpm)___ 434(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 130255 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 651(@200wpm)___ 521(@250wpm)___ 434(@300wpm)
“Like Ellie.”
“Like Ellie.”
“But we want different things. She wants marriage and a family and—” I stopped, swallowing.
Grandma raised her eyebrows. “The family that you do actually want, despite your protestations. Don’t argue with me, Max. I know you do,” she added when I did my best to glare at her. “When Matthew told you that Eva was pregnant, you were thrilled for him, but I could see your sadness. Alexander is married now, and his grandmother told me that he and Adelaide are talking about trying for a baby soon to give Olympia a sibling.”
I swallowed.
“Fred will meet someone soon. William will find a lovely young woman to marry. Even Gabriella and that lovely young man Miles are going to get engaged soon, if what Cat tells me is true. Hugo and… Stella? Sasha?”
“Sophie.”
“Sophie! That’s her name. Their cottage is almost done and then they’re moving in together, according to Evelyn. Then there will be Spencer, Oliver, George… One by one, they’ll fall, and you will have the same miserable look on your face as soon as you turn away.”
I slowly let out a deep breath.
“I know you want that. And you have a chance, Max. She’s right here, five minutes away, and I see the way she looks at you. It’s the same way you look at her—like she’s the whole world.”
“Grandma…”
“When you find that love, you don’t let it go. Only a fool would, and your mother and I did not raise you to be a fool.”
My nostrils flared. “What if I don’t know how? What if I don’t know how to… do that stuff?”
Grandma tilted her head to the side. “Know what? Do what? How to be a good partner? Parent? Friend? None of us know that, Max. You’re not given a handbook for any of that. You figure it out on the way with advice from your elders and your friends who have walked that path before you. But the first thing you have to have is love. And if you really love her the way I know you do, you’ll be just fine.”
I took my hands from hers and pressed them to my face.
I couldn’t do this anymore.
I couldn’t keep living in this goldfish bowl of emotion I’d locked myself in.
I couldn’t handle this by myself anymore. There was too much happening, too much going on, and I was only human.
I just… couldn’t do it.
“I need help,” I whispered, bringing my hands down just enough to see Grandma. “I need to speak to someone, don’t I? Someone who can help me deal with how I feel.”
She offered me a watery smile. “If you think it will help.”
I stepped back and sat down on the sofa, looking up at her, cupping my hands over my nose and mouth. “I’m just so angry with him and I don’t know how to let that feeling go, but if I don’t, I’m going to lose Ellie, aren’t I? I’m going to sabotage whatever we have—what we could have—because I’ve never moved on.”
“You’ve never allowed yourself to grieve your father,” Grandma said slowly. “Not having children to continue the family line doesn’t hurt him, Max. That hurts you. Not allowing yourself to get married and have happiness doesn’t affect him, that only affects you. You’re the one who will suffer from those decisions. I don’t want you to be alone when I’m gone.”
“Please. Like you’ll ever go away. You’ll haunt this place for three hundred years.”
“I’m offended you only think three hundred.” She sniffed. “Do not push Ellie away because of some emotions you’ve bottled up. Don’t punish either of you for the sins of your father. They are his, and his alone.”
“How did you do it?” I asked as she turned towards the door. “How did you accept what he did and move on? How did you cope with losing him?”
Grandma stopped, dropping her head. “I had you. You needed me, and it was my job to be there for you and raise you to be the man I knew you would be.”
“But after?”
“You’ve never stopped needing me.” She looked over her shoulder, smiling at me with watery eyes. “If you did, we wouldn’t be here now.”
“I never will stop needing you.”
“I know.” Her smile widened. “Truthfully? I spoke to someone. I still do. Time heals many things but losing someone you love isn’t a papercut. It’s an amputation. You lose a part of you, and that might be harder than losing them. If you need to speak with someone removed from your situation who can help you process your emotions, then you should. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
“Why didn’t you mention it before?”
“Because your decision to speak to someone had to be one you came to by yourself. It’s the kind of decision that is yours, and yours only. And I will be here to help you.”