Total pages in book: 139
Estimated words: 135958 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 680(@200wpm)___ 544(@250wpm)___ 453(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 135958 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 680(@200wpm)___ 544(@250wpm)___ 453(@300wpm)
“No.” I shook my head. “You said him or us. Who’s him?”
But I knew. My gut was twisting on it.
I gentled my question, “Who’s him, Kai?”
He couldn’t look away. He flinched. He tried to turn away, but I hurried over and caught him. I touched the side of his face, holding him in place.
“Who, Kai?” He had to say it. “Who? Say his name.”
He jerked out of my grasp, walking away.
“Kai!”
“What?” He flung his hands out, stopping. But he didn’t turn around.
“Turn around.”
He didn’t. He didn’t respond either.
“Kai.”
He took another step. Here we were again. I was chasing him. I was following him.
“Kai.” I sighed. “Look at me.”
“Why?”
He did, though. He looked, with sheer defeat on his face. Every inch of him looked like it’d been through the wringer, as if a truck had hit him.
“Why?” he said again. “This isn’t goddamn therapy. You know who I meant. You know who the monster was who created me. You called me a monster before. Well, I learned how to be one from someone.”
His eyes narrowed, a dangerous spark in them. He started for me, slowly.
“A monster created you too, but you didn’t turn into one. I’m about to do that for him,” he spat. “I’m taking you into my world, little by little. And you’re coming.”
He raised an eyebrow. “You’re supposed to fight me on it. You’re not supposed to come, but you are. One touch and you fold for me, and a part of me loves it. I thrive on it, but a part of me hates it. A part of me is disgusted when I touch you.”
I flinched. He was disgusted when he touched me?
“I am everything that’s bad in this world. You are everything that’s good, and I am turning you into me.” He choked out, “I hate myself when I look at you. You reflect everything wrong in me, every time I’m inside of you.”
His words were like whips, cutting into me, but there was goodness too. I closed my eyes, forcing myself to breathe out through my nose, forcing myself to focus on the good. There was good.
There had to be.
Find it. Cling to it.
Keep it.
Maybe he was making me bad, but I was making him good.
There was this fight, this dance between us. Good versus evil—but I wasn’t perfect, and Kai wasn’t evil. He just did evil things. He was good that had been twisted into something darker.
I didn’t know what to say to any of that, so I went with what I knew to be true.
“I care about you too.”
“Don’t, Riley.”
I shook my head. “I care about you, and I know I’m changing, but I can’t stop it because I care about you.” He intoxicated me. “I more than care about you—enough to see this through.”
And here was another truth. If I walked from him now, I would be shattered.
I turned to that glass, broken in pieces. That would be me if I walked, if he walked, and it was fast becoming too pronounced for me to not acknowledge it.
“You said I can’t leave again. You can’t either.”
He rubbed a hand over the side of his face. “What are you talking about?”
“I can’t leave. You can’t either.”
“Riley—”
“Say it!” I went to him. “Say it. Now.”
“What are you doing?” He shook his head, hands on his hips, and he watched me come. His nostrils flared. “What are you playing at?”
“You think this is a one-way thing? You make demands, and I have to follow? I don’t think so.” I stopped just out of reach, forcing myself to hold firm. “Say it back.”
He continued to watch me, something sparking alive in those dark eyes of his.
“Say it.”
“Say what?”
“That you won’t leave!” I shouted. “That you won’t cut and run when something goes wrong, because something always goes wrong—”
“No shit!” he snarled. “I’m in the fucking mafia. Everything goes wrong with us, and we’re the ones who do it. We do that. I do that. I give orders to kill. And sometimes I want to be the one who pulls the trigger.”
“You’re being a dick.”
“I am a dick.”
I met him face-to-face, toe-to-toe. “Tell me something I don’t know.”
He reached up, his hand curling around the back of my neck, and he pulled me close. I went up on my tiptoes, my lips square against his, but we weren’t kissing. We were both breathing hard.
I couldn’t look him in the eyes, not this time. “Tell me something new. I know who you are, and I know what you’re doing right now.” I reached up and grabbed ahold of his shirt. I yanked him against me. “You cannot scare me, so stop fucking insulting me by trying. Again. You don’t want me to shoot my father, fine. I won’t, but let’s not pretend that’s what this temper tantrum is about.” I shoved him back, making him let go of me. “You’re falling in love with me, and you’re pissing your pants because for once in your life, you don’t feel in control.”