Total pages in book: 110
Estimated words: 106798 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 534(@200wpm)___ 427(@250wpm)___ 356(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 106798 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 534(@200wpm)___ 427(@250wpm)___ 356(@300wpm)
I didn’t see this coming. My gaze slides to him, but he keeps his attention on the road. I know you gave her an overdose of morphine. Again, I don’t say that. Will I ever be able to say that? Will he ever confide in me?
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Liar.” Zach grins. “She hid it from me, just not very well.” He chuckles. “Crumbs in the bed. Yep, I found crumbs after you two had been watching one of those trashy reality TV shows. So you knew.”
I drum my fingers on my jean clad legs. “In my defense—”
“You don’t need a defense. I fed her addiction too. It took her forever to go through a box, so it would go stale. I’d replace the box, eat a bowl or two of cereal when she wasn’t looking, always leaving about the same amount that was in it when it went stale. Michelle knew. She’d pretend to buy it for Suzanne, but it was me. Always me.”
Warmth floods my chest. Zachary Hays is a beautiful human. My love for him is fueled just as much by the kind husband he was to Suzie as the lover he is to me.
“I knew,” he continues, “that she wasn’t going to be in my life forever. I never let her see my weak moments of acceptance. So I played the obsessed husband on a mission to save his wife. And some days I let myself believe that I actually had that power. But most days … I knew better. Those were the days I replaced cereal and painted her toenails with toxic polish. Those were the days I let her just … be.”
“Yeah. We’ve all been there. I told you that I dated Brady for as long as I did because I needed the free gym membership. And by free gym membership, I mean I needed the locker room showers. In hindsight … who trades sexual favors for a shower?”
After a few seconds of silence, he coughs a laugh. “That’s … I can’t … Emersyn …” Zach tries not to laugh, but he can’t help it.
My story has nothing to do with his story, and we both know it. It’s just another example of how we give each other a reprieve without asking for it. It’s how we take the unbearable gravity from the moment. This is us. It’s something that’s uniquely us. I highly doubt he did this with Suzie.
Zach pulls into a café and turns off the car. When he unfastens his seat belt and glances at me, I return a goofy tight-lipped grin. We get out of his car without saying a word, and then he steps in front of me before we make it two feet past his car. “I don’t regret a single second with you, in case you think that.”
My gaze cuts to his.
Before I can say a word, he continues, “I’m trying so hard not to live in the past, to stay grounded in each moment. There have been many moments lately where your touch has saved me. I realize things happen in the moment without thinking too much about the ramifications for the future. My expectations are low. The lowest.”
Rolling my lips between my teeth, I nod slowly. “That’s a little sad. You should raise your expectations.”
“Maybe.” He nods his head toward the café. “Let’s eat.”
After the waitress hands us menus, I eye Zach over the top of mine as he scans his for a few seconds before glancing up at me.
“What?” He grins.
Tracing my fingernail along the edge of the menu, a mix of bacon and maple syrup waft past me as the waitress delivers food to the booth behind us. “If we’re never more than a fake marriage and mind-blowing sex, do you think you’ll ever tell anyone about us? Would you ever tell your family that you married me to give me insurance? If you marry again, will you tell your next wife?”
When enough time passes and he doesn’t answer me, I shift my attention from the menu to his contemplative expression.
“Mind-blowing, huh?” He doesn’t look at me, but he smirks. “Have you been asked if you’re married? When traveling, has anyone ever asked you that?”
“Yes,” I answer him honestly.
“And what do you say?”
“I say no.”
“Why?”
I laugh a little. “You know why.”
Zach returns a slow nod. “Do you ever think of saying yes?”
I shrug. “Sometimes.”
“Why?”
Another shrug. “You said it yourself; I like the idea of you.”
“The idea of me …” He echoes with a partial grin.
“A husband. A home. Family. A man unlike any man I have ever known.” My lips twist. “Granted, I’ve never met my father, and my mother didn’t exactly parade the greatest men through our apartment. So the bar has been set incredibly low, but I have a feeling you surpass even the highest bar. And I think I knew it from the day we met and I saw you with Suzie. The day I witnessed true love.”