Total pages in book: 110
Estimated words: 106798 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 534(@200wpm)___ 427(@250wpm)___ 356(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 106798 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 534(@200wpm)___ 427(@250wpm)___ 356(@300wpm)
The door opens behind us.
Mom looks over her shoulder at Dad. “Oh good. I need you to take Nila into the house. If she wakes, change her diaper.” She plucks Nila from my chest, waking her in the process, and hands her to Dad.
He takes her while giving me a wide-eyed expression.
“Go,” Mom says. “I need a few minutes with Zach, and it could get loud, so I don’t want to startle Nila.”
It’s going to get loud?
Dad gives me a “you poor bastard” look before closing the door behind him and Nila.
“Do you love her?” Mom parks her fisted hands on her hips.
It takes me a second. I feel ten again, on the verge of being sent to my room or having my Nintendo taken away for a week. “Of course. But—”
“No buts! Pack a bag and go to her. Get on one knee and say everything that you’ve been too afraid to say since the day you first realized you’re in love with her. Spoiler alert: she’ll say yes. That young woman loves you. And you …” She points a finger at me. “You, my precious boy, are worthy. You are worthy of love. You are worthy of every dream. You are worthy of happiness. Emersyn left because you didn’t give her what she needed. You pushed her away.”
“I didn’t want her to stay. You’re not listening to me!” I stand, pacing a few feet in each direction while lacing my fingers behind my neck.
“Zach?”
I continue to pace. Life is good as long as I can keep my emotions separated, rationalized, and ten feet away from my heart at all times.
“Zach?”
I stop pacing when I notice my mom’s voice has lost its edge.
“She had to leave?” she asks.
I nod several times.
Mom gives me her sad smile, her you-stupid-boy smile. “Okay, but you don’t have to stay.”
I start to speak, but I can’t. Her words are too heavy in the air, crushing my chest with their truth.
“I know you think Emersyn needed your insurance, needed you to pay off her debt, needed a place to stay … but I don’t believe that. I think she needed you. And you just couldn’t see that. Maybe it was because your relationship with her has lived in the shadows of Suzanne—her memories, her lingering presence here. And Emersyn was too afraid to dream big. She was too afraid to dream of having everything. I’m sure the young woman who had nothing for so long must have felt greedy for asking for everything.
“She is worthy, Zach. You are worthy. Get on a plane and go to her. Love has no boundaries. You can fly planes anywhere. Hell, you can afford to retire early and … bag groceries at the store in your free time if you wanted to. Or you could just spend the rest of your life watching her do all the amazing things you know she’s going to do. A family … you could have a family, sweetheart. You don’t have to hold her back; you can walk beside her. That’s love, my dear. And you … are worthy.”
CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
Emersyn
I move to London.
Get settled into our new place.
Get settled into my new job.
Then Zach sends me a copy of the divorce decree. We are officially divorced.
I fold it into a million little pieces, a pathetic attempt at origami, and shove it into a drawer.
Since I left Atlanta, he’s been posting more on Instagram. I like to think it’s for me and not Megan. It’s no longer just photos of #pilotlife. He shares photos of his family, especially his adorable niece. Photos of his tiny house, which is adorable in its own right. Last week he was in France, and he posted a photo of Amiens Cathedral—a gothic cathedral.
The week before that, he posted a Halloween photo of him dressed as Iron Man. When he’s not posting about his life, he’s liking and commenting on mine. In some ways, I feel closer to him now than I did when we lived together—when we were married. But I know … I know one day I’m going to see him post a selfie with a woman who is not his mom, his sister-in-law, or his niece, and it’s going to break my heart again. I think hearts are the one thing in life that work better broken. All those cracks and holes let the love inside. Love is fluid, filling every space, moving with time, a solvent for all other emotions. Until it breaks, I’m not sure we really feel true love.
A week before Thanksgiving, Zach texts me that he’ll be in London tomorrow, but just for the day.
Em: I don’t think I’ll be wrapped up until four. Would love to see you though.
Zach: Let’s grab an early dinner.
Em: Okay. I’ll let you know when I’m done.