Total pages in book: 75
Estimated words: 71967 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 360(@200wpm)___ 288(@250wpm)___ 240(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 71967 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 360(@200wpm)___ 288(@250wpm)___ 240(@300wpm)
The problem with that is the word future - the false hope I’ve unintentionally lead myself to believe we have.
Just like he said I would.
The stupid bastard was right.
Despite all the lies I’ve told myself, on how I know things will be between us, and what I have to expect, that’s all they were - lies.
While I’ve always known we can never go out in public, I find myself sitting in bed at night, thinking and hoping, trying to find a way.
I see the way he watches me, with fire and longing, and the way his eyes sparkle when I walk into the room. Surely he has to be thinking the same thing too?
The light in his office is the only thing illuminating the otherwise dim hallway. It’s after six, and I left about ten minutes ago. He stayed, because he has work to do. He wasn’t himself today, but I didn’t mention anything, fearing that his mood has to do with us, and not in a good way.
I argue with myself as I walk outside, all the way to my car until I decide to turn around after all. With Valentine’s Day tomorrow, I’d regret if I never tried, if I never actually put the idea out there.
He’s surprised to see me, clearly thinking I’d be well on my way home by now.
“Is everything okay?” He’s concerned as he drops his pen. It falls on his paper with a low thud.
“Yeah,” my voice is shaky. “Valentine’s Day is tomorrow.” He watches as I twist my fingers nervously.
“I know,” he gives me a look. “But, you’re not the chocolate and flowers type.”
I’d hate this more if he was wrong, but he knows me too well, further proving that what I’m about to do makes sense.
“And you’re not the type to give that sort of mindless gift,” I counter and he smiles. Hopefully he knows me well enough to know that this isn’t me asking for something so materialistic.
I pause, thinking of how to word what I want to say, as he waits patiently.
“I know we can’t go local, but what if we go a few towns over this weekend, or maybe even to the City, just to be safe?”
He’s confused at first, then registers what I’m asking for - a date.
Any kind of date.
“I can pretend I’m sleeping over a friends house. We could get a hotel room,” I continue.
“You deserve better than a hotel room,” he spits.
“But having sex in your office and classroom is okay?” I know I have no right to be mad, I knew what I was getting into, but I’m upset, furious at his reaction.
“Are you changing your mind about us?” He tries to mask the hurt the idea brings, but I can’t help but wear mine. I know he’s attracted to me, but how can he not feel anything more?
“No,” I snap. “I’m not because there is no us. We’re nothing.”
The phone rings at noon, the caller ID saying MTHS, just like I suspected it would. It’s lunchtime, and I’m not there.
“You’re bold, calling from school,” I answer.
“I told you the last time not to disappear on me,” he says.
“I think you forget,” I hiss. “That despite what we do, you have no claim over me.” The intake of air lets me know my words hit him hard.
“How do you know I’m home alone?” I ask.
“Are you?”
“Yes.”
He laughs coldly, the distant sound of his voice sending shivers down my spine.
“Happy Valentine’s Day, Luci,” he sighs. “I wish you were here today.”
He hangs up the phone before I can even reply, and I realize I messed up. I don’t want to lose what we have, whatever that is, even if its only attraction for him.
I can’t wait until tomorrow.
I have to fix this now.
I’m wearing my long down winter jacket with absolutely nothing underneath. To anyone else, I maybe could have a skirt on, but the freezing air that rushes up against my bare skin as I walk towards the school reminds me I don’t, that I’m completely raw.
I sneak in through the basement door and head to his office. It’s 9th period, and I know he doesn’t have class, so I’m praying he’s there. I lightly turn the knob, relieved to find it unlocked.
He’s at his desk, wearing khaki’s and a pale blue polo, and I’m sad I didn’t come today just so I could see him like this, looking so very glorious. His head lifts when he hears me shut the door, surprised that I’m here, and even though I’m furious with myself, and at him, he radiates yearning in every bone in my body.
“I’m sorry,” My voice is sincere. “I had no right to -”
“I have something for you,” he interrupts, grabbing an old book from the corner of his desk.
The author is one of our favorites and I study the cover. Is this a first edition? My eyes find the signature next, and I’m taken aback, completely floored.