Total pages in book: 100
Estimated words: 94630 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 473(@200wpm)___ 379(@250wpm)___ 315(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 94630 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 473(@200wpm)___ 379(@250wpm)___ 315(@300wpm)
“I was never going to be the right man for you, but now…”
“Now what?”
“When I came out of the bathroom, you were on the floor, shaking. Your pupils were dilated. You were scared shitless.”
“Cut me some slack. It was…I wasn’t expecting—”
“To wake up with your boyfriend holding a gun to your head? Yeah, I can see how that would be a shock.”
“What do you want me to say?”
Cam deprived her of his expression, dropping his head until the dark hair eclipsed his face completely. Directing his words to his feet.
“I want you to admit you’re afraid of me, because you should be, Jo.”
“I won’t say that because it’s not true. What scares me is that you’ll give up on us. That you’ll run.”
His silence gnawed at her peace of mind. A gun to her head she could handle. But she couldn’t consider Cam leaving. Jo pulled herself from the floor and onto the bed, dragging the covers around her shoulders. Naked under the robe, she shivered. Was it from cold? Or the fear that still penetrated her bones? Still rattled her composure. Cold fingers dug their nails into Jo’s heart, scraping across the muscle and leaving trails of dread.
Cam didn’t move away from the wall, but it was like he’d already left the room. Left the house. Left this conversation. Like someone was standing in proxy for him, entertaining her but already mentally out the door. And she couldn’t bear the distance. Feet became miles and seconds became eons the longer he was over there and she was over here. She gathered the covers around her shoulders and shuffled over to him, until she stood close enough to tempt his touch. Until he would have to smell her. Have to feel the heat from her body. Have to remember how absolutely perfect they had finally been together, before all of this.
He only touched her with his eyes, and she wanted his hands. Wanted his kisses. The need for him stamped an ancient, urgent rhythm in her chest.
“I need you to hold me, Cam.”
“I…I can’t.” His hands made it halfway to her arms before falling away. “I want to protect you.”
“From you?” Jo stepped an inch closer, even though a stretch as vast and dry as the Sahara still lay between them. “I don’t need protection from you.”
Jo reached her arms around his neck before he had time to pull away, allowing the comforter to fall from her shoulders and onto the floor. She ached while she waited for him to respond. He stood like a corpse in her arms for a few seconds, but she could feel his resistance weakening. Felt it topple like a game of Jenga. He needed this as much as she did. She pressed closer, wanting to slide beneath his skin and cuddle up to his bones and marrow. Wanting to course through his blood and head toward his heart. His arms inched around her waist, and his big hands that could bring nightmare and heaven to life on canvas sketched comfort into her back through the silk robe.
“There is only one bullet in that gun.” Cam pushed the hair away from her face, licking his lips to prime them for his next words. “But if I had pulled that trigger, I would have found another one for myself. I couldn’t stay here without you.”
From someone else it might have been melodrama, hyperbole, but she read the truth mingling with the torture in his eyes. She was more frightened for him than she was for herself because she knew Cam loved her. Sometimes she wasn’t sure how he felt about himself.
She feathered kisses over his jaw, soothing him with her trust. She licked at the seam of his firm lips, but his mouth was a line she couldn’t cross.
“Please don’t shut me out.” She left the words as offerings on his lips, waiting for him to accept them.
“Baby, I can’t—”
Jo didn’t waste time; she pushed her way in, her tongue seeking out the sweet, tangy spaces inside his mouth. He opened, moving his mouth over hers, groaning when their tongues found each other.
“I can’t make love to you, Jo. I can’t trust myself.” He squeezed his eyes closed. “It still feels violent.”
“I’ll make you forget.” Jo untied the robe, letting the sides fall open. She hijacked his hands, brushing his palms across her nipples, the flesh blossoming under his touch. “Please don’t shut me out. I need this. We need this.”
Cam traced her rib cage, wrapped his hand around her hip, mapping her naked curves beneath the robe. He slid both hands under her thighs, lifting and turning her until her back met the wall. She reached down between them, unzipping his shorts and pushing them down with shaking fingers.
“I need to feel you, baby.” A moan broke free from her throat. “I need to—”